Intimacy: Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights...

By SterlingSilver91 - 03/09/2011 23:49 - Canada

Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 209

You deserved it 42 740

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Same thing different taste

By Rowansgonnarow - 05/07/2014 20:19

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 449

You deserved it 15 963

By acw2110 - 20/02/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 742

You deserved it 12 061

By Mr. Hopeless - 13/02/2009 21:59 - United States

Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said, "Sorry, I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 993

You deserved it 4 244

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 11:44 - United States

Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 787

You deserved it 40 345

No. Just… No.

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 417

You deserved it 8 838

Overbearing girlfriend

By Jake - 16/09/2013 19:08 - United States - Albany

Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 508

You deserved it 8 269

Mr Hyde comes out at night

By Anonymous - 27/06/2025 12:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to 20 unread messages from my friend asking why I sent her stuff like, “I hate you” and “Get lost” at 3 a.m. Turns out I sleep-texted during a nightmare. Now I have to grovel and apologize for something I don't even remember doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 160

By larvagirl23 - 18/06/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read, "You can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 953

You deserved it 5 330

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 279

You deserved it 62 422

By Oops54321 - 28/09/2009 07:12 - France

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 736

You deserved it 33 306

OcampoFTW 4

Sunday 4 September 2011 8:57

At least she told you bout it

danford80 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 8:58

Wow. Anytime a conversation starts with please don't be mad or we need to talk it never ends well!!

Comments

pickles2b2 4

Sunday 2 October 2011 4:39

you sir, are a man *****, ydi for sleeping with random women!

RamonaDowdley 0

Wednesday 19 October 2011 21:34

First of all did you call her back the next day?? She could of said it out of anger !! You need to treat woman that you sleep with respect??

thismustbeit 0

Saturday 5 November 2011 8:46

does it burn when u pee?

BndY19 0

Thursday 10 November 2011 17:53

hah thats suk

vcolvin 0

Wednesday 16 November 2011 4:29

That's why you shouldn't sleep with random people. If you do it would be wise to protect yourself. What if she was HIV positive?!

Humanspider 18

Friday 9 December 2011 8:44

You need it to wrap it up. Wrap it up! And cue the music. I really miss the Chappelle Show.

richieflow 3

Thursday 29 December 2011 12:07

Well just cut it off bro

resplendencerino_fml 3

Saturday 7 January 2012 0:13

Seeing as she thinks youve caught whatever she has, I'm guessing you didn't wear a condom. You. Deserve. It.

Kade20 4

Tuesday 4 December 2012 10:48

FYI! GIRLS DON'T SLEEP WITH THIS GUY! lol

zombieslayer83 19

Friday 11 January 2013 19:25

Wrap it ups

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The Top

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 974

You deserved it 11 830

Today, my overly religious family told me that if I, an atheist, went to church with them, they’d buy me a season pass to Disneyland. I dutifully sat through the entire two hour sermon. I didn’t get the tickets. They lied to get me into church, but don’t see the irony of lying being a sin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 455

You deserved it 286

Today, I did my laundry in my dorm. After dragging 2 hampers down 4 flights of stairs, my ID card with money on it was rejected. After dragging it back upstairs, I scrounged up enough quarters from friends. Thirty minutes after finally starting my laundry, I realized I forgot to add detergent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 760

You deserved it 48 889

Today, my commitment issues were perfectly illustrated when I couldn't put a nail in the wall to hang a painting, because, "What if I change my mind?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 705

You deserved it 6 034

Today, I went shopping on my only day off. The only aisle open was self-checkout. I'm a cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 999

You deserved it 1 780

Today, my now ex-girlfriend accused me of wasting a year of her life when I told her I seriously don’t want kids. We’ve never discussed kids until today, but I’ve always known I never wanted them. Apparently she does want them, so she considers our whole relationship as a waste of a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 1 078

Same thing different taste

No. Just… No.

Overbearing girlfriend

Mr Hyde comes out at night

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