Miscellaneous: Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked...

By um... what the fuck, miss? - 02/08/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 825

You deserved it 6 148

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/06/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 602

You deserved it 2 882

By speechless - 01/06/2013 00:50 - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 135

You deserved it 6 095

By beckbm23 - 21/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 183

You deserved it 2 601

Thanks for sharing

By uni life - 15/05/2012 08:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 248

You deserved it 2 854

By Anonymous - 09/06/2013 14:29 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 588

You deserved it 10 552

By yournick - 31/01/2011 21:23 - Canada

Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 280

You deserved it 4 840

By the_captain - 23/06/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 717

You deserved it 3 522

By grannysmack - 11/07/2009 09:10 - United States

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 886

You deserved it 6 560

Helper Blues

By Fat and Embarrassed - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 225

You deserved it 1 505

Thanks, I guess…

By unsatisfied - 09/03/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 395

You deserved it 4 439

AllegroRubato 16

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Veteran of a thousand wars.

JoeGrant 12

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Well clearly she's no stranger to home made pickles...

Comments

Burgleflickle 8

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:17

Coolest old lady ever!!!! Just like Cloris Leachman in Beerfest!

Greybade 9

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:24

So, did you enjoy tossing your salad after?

Jelbeztok 17

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:27

no one says lube when they mean drink.

ryanthecheeseguy 18

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:29

You are pretty ******* stupid.

Forenzics 10

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:33

Nice advice? That's what men are for...

Raykyogrou03 12

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:34

She must be from the stone age, when d-batteries and d's didn't exist yet.

DusktheKat 12

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:36

That must be one hella cool old lady.

chocolatefrog28 29

Saturday 3 August 2013 2:06

Well, she's not wrong.

WhiteCrimson 23

Saturday 3 August 2013 7:26

Speaking from experience or just from commen sence?

rsbaker 3

Saturday 3 August 2013 2:10

Wont be eatin salads at grandmas anytime soon.

rsbaker 3

Saturday 3 August 2013 2:14

Actually i would never eat a salad at Grannys

ottokat 15

Saturday 3 August 2013 2:11

Hey mom, can you get me a glass of lube? This salad isnt going down so well if you catch my drift.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 124

You deserved it 23 617

Today, while at work, I cringed as I noticed my caveman colleague frantically digging into his nose and then continuing the use of his computer. I work in IT support and will be rebuilding his computer and reinstalling all his applications in 30 minutes time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 628

You deserved it 2 381

Today, I awoke with a swollen, painful testicle. I called the ambulance and went to the hospital. After they'd done an ultrasound, it's a bad infection. My nurse was someone I used to know and had a major crush on. She's responsible for checking my testicle every 20 minutes when she checks my heart rate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 180

You deserved it 136

Today, I got my dog some weight loss formula food, as she is very overweight. This new food makes her have horrible gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 753

You deserved it 2 101

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 221

Today, my boss became very angry over her own mistake on a spreadsheet. She lashed out by throwing a can of SpaghettiOs at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 945

You deserved it 2 635

Same thing different taste

Thanks for sharing

Helper Blues

Thanks, I guess…

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