Anonymous - 18/09/2019 13:25 Today, I decided to use my dildo while taking a shower. While I'm pleasuring myself, I started singing Earth, Wind & Fire's "September" out loud. I just stopped when I realized that I'm fucking myself while singing a random song. FML. 41 88
Today, my entire family is giving me the cold shoulder, including my parents, for not going to my sister's wedding. No one seems to care her new husband bullied me so badly in high school that I still need medication for my anxiety 15 years after graduating. FML 4 806 439
Today, my boyfriend took a picture of us together because he wanted to have something to burn when we break up. FML 1 597 177
Today, my former boss, a landlord, came through on his "parting gift" to me. I thought he was joking when he said he'd send a deranged tenant of ours cross-country by bus to stay with me for a week. It wasn't a joke. Send help. FML 2 138 181
Today, I was at the beach. I'd recently decided to try the "life hack" where you empty out a bottle of lotion and hide small valuables in it, to avoid them being stolen. I'd put the bottle in my bag. Instead of stealing stuff from inside it, though, someone just stole the whole bag. FML 41 540 10 636
Today, I received my camera in the mail. I had sent it back to the company because it wouldn't turn on. As I was reading the note they put in, it said, "Battery was put in backwards. No other problems found." FML 7 223 46 909
Today, I had to find a date for this banquet we did in my town every year. I paid my neighbor 40 bucks an hour to be my date. It was a 4 hour event. Best part: she got drunk and told the whole town I was paying her. FML 18 912 59 705
Could be worse. You could have chosen to sing "Ring of Fire" instead.