Money Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

Optimus_Prime97 - 03/05/2012 02:39 - United States

Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

violated ._. - 22/08/2013 22:45 - United States

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

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Harmless, huh?

Anonymous - 17/04/2009 11:49 - Malaysia

Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML

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Betchsadface - 13/07/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

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Cough up

anbrown6 - 12/04/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, I found my dog, who had been missing for over a month, at the local pound. Clearly it was my dog, she responded to her name and cried when she saw me. However, the woman there told me I could not simply take her, I had to follow through with all policies. I paid $250 to adopt my own dog. FML

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Anonymous - 28/08/2011 11:29 - Australia

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

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Jayman223 - 10/02/2017 09:00 - United States - Reno

Today I adopted a dog. He ran away the same day. FML

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Bubba - 23/09/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

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That idiot - 28/08/2014 02:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

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bels12 - 05/01/2010 05:15 - Australia

Today, I bought a new Siamese Fighting Fish. I was so happy with my new fish so I bought him an expensive lovely bowl, some weeds, and a toy for the bowl. I left the room to get the fish food. When I returned, the fish was gone, and the cat was sitting on the table. FML

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Fish Breath - 03/06/2016 22:26 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML

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YdoIhaveAchode 4

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:19

How do you "accidentally" adopt a dolphin?

waresjake 3

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:23

You're going to get so many bitches with a dolphin

WoodyGamer 1

Friday 18 May 2012 20:34

how drunk were you?

gaff1229 1

Saturday 19 May 2012 19:06

You got a bargain. Make sure it's not a second-hand dolphin.

justicemarielove 0

Sunday 20 May 2012 21:41

Y did people dislike this??? :( I think it's awesome and I also want to know how :D I want a dolphin

noodleboix 10

Monday 21 May 2012 23:32

how the hell do u adopt a dolphin??? im calling bs

antonios1024 0

Friday 25 May 2012 3:09

dolphins are dumb

kriz_allizwell 6

Sunday 10 June 2012 13:11

Are u sure you didnt do it on porpoise?

weasils117 1

Monday 2 July 2012 5:14

How exactly do you "accidentally" adopt a dolphin??

Anthonyman 0

Saturday 7 July 2012 8:42

Oh... My.... God.... That is ******* AWESOME!!

AzzieC 12

Wednesday 25 July 2012 23:43

Cooool what r u gonna put it in

Ilikeike 4

Sunday 29 July 2012 17:54

What did ya name him?

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

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Today, I arrived at the airport with time to spare, only to realize in the middle of security checks that I'd left my phone in the Uber that got me there. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and despite getting my phone back in time to board, I can't enjoy my trip because I'm obsessing over this trivial mistake. FML

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Today, while walking through the halls of my high school, my boyfriend and I shared a quick kiss. A young teacher walked by and told us to stop due to Personal Display of Affection rules at our school. She then looked at my boyfriend and told him he could do so much better. FML

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Today, my husband presented me with a DNA test proving that our newborn daughter isn't his. Confused, I got her tested again. She's not a match to me either. FML

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Today, I took my Catholic girlfriend home to meet my family for the first time. My brother thought it would be civil to spend over an hour insulting her religion and explaining in detail the many ways in which "the Force" is superior. FML

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Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML

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