Sex, Poopoo peepee and Love: Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and... - FML

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Spicy

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 157

You deserved it 4 867

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

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Same thing different taste

Hot shit

By Well, shit - 07/12/2024 16:00 - Canada

Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 101

Compromising situation

By anonymous - 16/07/2011 13:18 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper, we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset, so I politely asked where the bathroom was so I could "powder my nose;" After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 733

You deserved it 4 973

Romantic

By Anonymous - 22/01/2011 05:29 - Canada

Spicy

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 930

You deserved it 6 876

Can't win

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 202

You deserved it 385

That sinking feeling…

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 08:00

Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 440

By arse of fire :( - 23/02/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 146

You deserved it 3 899

Gross out competition

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 457

You deserved it 4 068

By smith - 28/01/2012 03:13 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 413

You deserved it 57 950

Not now!

By my body hates me! - 16/06/2022 21:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were just about to have sex. The last few months have been a shitstorm of stress, personal tragedy, financial crises, and family drama. When we finally got a moment to ourselves, I was struck with a literal shitstorm in the form of agonizing diarrhea. It’s been two hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 167

Romance

By shortyybrooke - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 729

You deserved it 542

Next

Top comments

Artsygirl90 14

Monday 4 February 2013 3:11

If that's not sexy, I don't know what is.

slayertack 19

Monday 4 February 2013 3:12

She wants the TP.

Comments

mrsmo2 5

Monday 4 March 2013 21:03

Poor wife. She finally felt horny but then she got diarrhea.

flashback_fml 14

Tuesday 18 June 2013 9:34

That just made me crack up

hardcorepuppy 8

Wednesday 21 August 2013 17:27

Get over it!

xRiverSongx 17

Tuesday 17 March 2015 20:18

FHL, if you ask me!

Vanilla_Cupcake 10

Wednesday 28 December 2016 15:07

Well, at least she wasn't lying to get out of having sex.

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Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line told me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I had a headache, my legs were stiff, and my date must've thought I stood her up. The tech finally arrived, pries the door open, then rudely asked, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 490

You deserved it 3 594

Today, my dream job became open at a moment when I'm looking for a change. They require video editing experience, which I have from an old position at a place known for its uncooperative and incompetent leadership. Guess which job threw all my published work into a bottomless pit when I left? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 223

Today, I was fired for the first time in my life from a job that I actually loved and was passionate about. Apparently, none of my coworkers liked me and they thought that was a good enough reason to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 088

You deserved it 683

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. As I was on the treadmill, I accidentally hit the emergency stop button. In my attempt to play it cool, I tried to pretend it was intentional and yelled, "I've reached my fitness goal for the day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 707

Today, as suggested by the my therapist, I tried practicing mindfulness meditation while on a break at work to reduce stress. Midway through my deep breaths, I accidentally let out a loud and unexpected snore. My coworkers now think I've taken my relaxation techniques to a whole new level. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 146

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason she asked me to shave my beard. When I go down on her shaved, it feels more like her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 857

You deserved it 3 870