Embarrassing Intimacy Pleased to see me?

Pleased to see me?

Anonymous - 28/10/2011 23:39 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Cockstepblocked

Anonymous - 19/09/2019 18:00

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

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shallowvomit1013 - 23/12/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

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wtf - 16/06/2016 06:02 - United States - Fairfield

Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML

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bill219 - 07/12/2012 22:40 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

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Unfortunate boner

Man - 02/07/2025 06:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I was at a party, and a cute girl in a skirt sat on my lap. We were flirting and I unfortunately got hard. She then stood up and yelled, "Are you getting hard? EW!" FML

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Smooth talker

ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

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tigerbyrn - 30/05/2016 15:35 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML

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Bazinga

Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

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Out of control

emilyxoxoxo - - United States

Today, my friend and I thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

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Anonymous - 25/08/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

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HeyImPayton 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 4:59

"don't worry, it's just a pen"

morgan69_fml 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 4:57

Hahaha, that must've been awkward...

jePomme 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:22

That would suck.

DynamicDave 11

Saturday 29 October 2011 10:37

Bet OP wishes his friend would!

upyourzlolz 11

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:22

Lap dance rape? That's new.

bizarre_ftw 21

Saturday 29 October 2011 23:58

No, no it's not.....

rainbowbigbird 7

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:25

Hmmmmm... Maybe it's time to see you can be more than friends now...? She knows how you feel ;)

sailorfreak_fml 4

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:26

you WANTED to put her in your KNEES but we all know you wanted her to FEEL your DICK instead ;3

leadman1989 15

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:35

Don't worry I hear people are really fond of boners!

rainbowbigbird 7

Saturday 29 October 2011 19:40

A hard man is good to find.

leadman1989 15

Saturday 29 October 2011 22:45

Yep I'm using that one... A LOT

theressarina 2

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:38

I wanted to put YDI, but I'm not sure you've actually deserved a little bit if a lapdance.

pppooppp 5

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:41

Me gusta

patzz12 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:43

What happened!?!?!? It's fate

CrazyManNo9 29

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:49

FTW?

DeeG12 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:49

Good ice breaker ;)

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, it was confirmed that I have ADHD and moderate OCD. My mom thinks I do it on purpose to seek attention. I'm shy, and I don't even like people. FML

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Today, I called the suicide hotline, only to get lectured by a very condescending man. I hung up and called back, only for the other line to pick up and hang up on me immediately. FML

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Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. Ten minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's ass crack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

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Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

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Today, I went bowling with some friends. After a few beers I was showing off spinning the ball around on the tip of my finger. One trip to the ER and two crushed nuts later, I've found that mixing alcohol and heavy shiny balls is not a good idea. FML

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Today, I drank half a bottle of tequila and had an edible within 30 minutes. I couldn't remember a thing until this morning when my roommates told me I pissed myself on the couch, projectile vomited in the living room, and went on to fondle my roommates, who also had to help me shower. I have a designated seat on the couch now. FML

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