Cats, Dating Love No one disturbs the masters - FML

No one disturbs the masters

Anonymous - 01/08/2015 04:10 - United States - Erie

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Where are you?

Anonymous - 05/09/2024 06:00 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I had a date with someone I met online. We agreed to meet at a nice restaurant. I got there early, ordered a drink, and waited. And waited. An hour later, I texted to ask where he was. His response? "I’ve been watching you from my car for the last hour. Decided you’re not my type." FML

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Differences

Alone - 21/05/2014 11:05 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML

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hopelesss88 - 17/06/2010 12:42 - Australia

Today, I had a first date planned. He texted saying he was sick and couldn't make it. Two hours later, his Twitter account said otherwise. FML

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nightxxtime - 10/01/2017 14:39

Today, the guy I'm dating was supposed to come over. He would have if I hadn't fell asleep while he was waiting for me to open the door. FML

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Bad date #3764

Greenpuppy416 - 04/07/2020 05:02

Today, I had a date at a formal restaurant I'm well known at. My date showed up two and a half hours late with a jogging suit on, and then got mad at me for ordering, eating, and paying without him. FML

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Running late

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML

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great. - 02/01/2013 18:59

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

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Lilly - 02/10/2013 12:43 - United States - Conway

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

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kill the audience - 10/11/2016 17:51 - United States - Lewes

Today, I was sitting in the restaurant waiting for my blind date to come. I had sat for an hour until I finally got fed up and went to leave when at the same time the guy at the table next to me stood up to leave too. I noticed he had been sitting alone. Turns out he was my date. FML

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Overenthusiastic

Sash - 06/04/2012 21:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I dressed up for a date. After waiting for hours, sending countless texts and voice mails to my date, and thinking I'd been stood up, I remembered my date is actually scheduled for tomorrow. FML

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Koalax3 18

Sunday 2 August 2015 0:38

I would've honestly asked him if i could go over so I could play with the cat.. But that's just me

booze_n_bitches 37

Sunday 2 August 2015 0:40

"Pleading cat" - a genuine excuse in my household to excuse oneself from any activity. I'm with him on this one.

joshi42 16

Sunday 2 August 2015 10:52

Are you dating Buddha?

lulu2122 3

Sunday 2 August 2015 11:08

seems legit

Sangue0608 26

Sunday 2 August 2015 15:51

At least you know he cares about his pussy.

jen1097 25

Sunday 2 August 2015 16:34

He's a keeper

Saso_fml 35

Sunday 2 August 2015 16:40

A cat nap is a holy issue ! Personally i would've been more interested in the cat rather than the fact that he hadn't shown up!

junpeiIori 17

Sunday 2 August 2015 17:39

At the very least and I'm looking on the bright side here. If you fell asleep on his shoulder/lap/chest, he won't move you?

wowboob 8

Sunday 2 August 2015 19:36

One pussy was more important than the other one I suppose

LycanGod 27

Sunday 2 August 2015 20:11

he is not worth it. he clearly didn't want the date or spend the time of day on you. it's ok OP you will find someone better

BlaqMontana 16

Sunday 2 August 2015 22:24

lmao.. what the **** did I just read? FYL mehn!

MrKilgore 14

Sunday 2 August 2015 23:22

the struggles of being a cat owner. .

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Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having a BDSM theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML

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Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

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Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

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Today, I was staying at my boyfriend’s place for the first time. In the morning, I brushed my teeth using the toothbrush in the cup next to the sink. He came in and said, “Oh, you found the one I use to clean my sneakers.” FML

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Today, while I was fitting a new fuse box, a giant spider tried to eat my fingers. As I pulled away, I touched the exposed wires. I woke up flat on my back to the customer slapping my face, burnt fingers, and bruises everywhere. I had also peed and shit myself. FML

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Today, my boyfriend snuck into my house and hid in my closet. Knowing that I have a phobia of people jumping out of closets, he nonetheless thought it would be funny to see how I'd react. I had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. FML

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