Intimacy Hot and… greasy - FML

Hot and… greasy

cortanaisahobot - 19/07/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Anonymous - 02/06/2012 10:24 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

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ch4nny - 29/08/2014 01:47 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

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And they say romance is dead…

BaconBreathBlonde - 30/10/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

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Kinky

Anonymous - 11/08/2022 22:00

Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML

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fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

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confused - 28/09/2011 04:55 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

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Dad jokes

phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

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JK - 01/02/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

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That kidnapped kink

georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

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sissydlk - 02/12/2010 15:54 - United States

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

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XtraEzeee 8

Friday 20 July 2012 1:17

Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.

mike14991499 9

Friday 20 July 2012 1:16

You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?

LaBooskie 1

Friday 20 July 2012 1:24

Wow, My bf said, the very samething to me a year ago. I learned that you don't joke about Bacon with men. Lol

greenie213 23

Friday 20 July 2012 1:24

Bacon makes everything better.

greenie213 23

Friday 20 July 2012 1:27

Damn! Someone beat me to it!

laden_swallow09 34

Friday 20 July 2012 2:44

Don't get upset. It's worth saying twice.

tehcyberman 9

Friday 20 July 2012 1:24

You can never go wrong with bacon.

admaspaz17 4

Friday 20 July 2012 1:27

That's hilarious!!! :)

DocBastard 38

Friday 20 July 2012 1:28

So when he said he wants to pork you, he was serious.

dude1122332 9

Friday 20 July 2012 7:04

You get me so hot and greasy.

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Friday 20 July 2012 22:43

Squeal for me, baby. Oh god, that was horrible.

emmaweeee 0

Friday 20 July 2012 1:28

There's nothing wrong with that combination, bacon is orgasmic eating it on its own, but throwing sex into the mix would only heighten that pleasurable experience

Alphakhiash 13

Friday 20 July 2012 1:29

I don't see the FML.

Sandsh8rk 36

Friday 20 July 2012 1:29

Sounds like a pretty good idea to me...

dude1122332 9

Friday 20 July 2012 1:31

If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

ironheart98 14

Friday 20 July 2012 1:32

bacon is awesome and goes with everything

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit of biscuit, and then remembered I didn't have biscuits this morning with my coffee. I took it out of my mouth and it was a huge black fly. I then spat the rest of my coffee all over my laptop. FML

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Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

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Today, I swear I’m going to just refuse to use the toilet when my mom is home on principle because whenever I go, no matter the time of day or night, that will be the exact moment she's bursting for a pee, and needs me out "NOW NOW NOW!" I haven’t had a relaxing, uninterrupted shit in almost a month. FML

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Today, my best friend, who I've had serious feelings for for over a year, decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost two years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with, "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up six months ago. Three times. FML

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Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said, "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

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