Intimacy Hot and… greasy - FML

Hot and… greasy

cortanaisahobot - 19/07/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 02/06/2012 10:24 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

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ch4nny - 29/08/2014 01:47 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

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And they say romance is dead…

BaconBreathBlonde - 30/10/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

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Kinky

Anonymous - 11/08/2022 22:00

Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML

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fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

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confused - 28/09/2011 04:55 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

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Dad jokes

phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

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JK - 01/02/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

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That kidnapped kink

georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

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sissydlk - 02/12/2010 15:54 - United States

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

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XtraEzeee 8

Friday 20 July 2012 1:17

Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.

mike14991499 9

Friday 20 July 2012 1:16

You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?

ayyebee 5

Friday 21 December 2012 18:17

I second his suggestion .

snowsfalling 4

Tuesday 9 April 2013 2:43

It's doable

TheCerealKiller 24

Monday 23 September 2013 23:42

Wasn't there an FML once about a guy having a wet dream about bacon? Maybe it was posted by your boyfriend.

cdncw 20

Friday 15 May 2015 19:05

I can't vote on this. This is an amazing idea. Because of that, there's nothing bad to "deserve", and your life can't "suck"... Also, Bacon: it's all fun and games until someone has a heart attack.

guss5441 18

Monday 27 July 2015 8:29

Puts on bacon condom

T1A2Z3 34

Thursday 8 October 2015 19:29

That's more salty than spicy

skittlesucker55 9

Wednesday 24 February 2016 8:49

I wanna spice it up through in some cumin bitches

Rammer3500 23

Sunday 20 March 2016 4:05

Sounds perfect

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Never say never!

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Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

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Today, at dinner, I accidentally let it slip that I'd taken a small sip of alcohol a few years ago and hated it. My extremely strict parents are now trying to get me into rehab. FML

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Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML

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Today, I have been finding long black hairs all over my bathroom. My hair is short and blonde, and I live alone. FML

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Today, I got a rental car because my car needed new tires and I had a long drive ahead of me. Today, the rental car got a flat tire. FML

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