Intimacy: Good catch - FML

Good catch

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 597

You deserved it 91 049

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Same thing different taste

Parental advice

By ifeeldirty - 27/10/2011 12:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 138

You deserved it 8 918

Not a cheating!

By Notcheating - 03/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 294

You deserved it 492

By condom_kid - 27/07/2009 14:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 422

You deserved it 73 618

Dad jokes!

By Chels - 11/05/2011 05:17 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 572

You deserved it 5 335

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 084

You deserved it 5 836

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 534

You deserved it 2 905

Code of silence

By nean83 - 12/01/2013 05:11 - United States - Inglewood

Spicy

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 521

You deserved it 39 923

By NotSoComfortable - 17/12/2015 09:10 - Italy - Pontecchio Polesine

Spicy

Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 857

You deserved it 2 433

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Spicy

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 254

You deserved it 4 260

By Anonymous - 21/02/2015 13:46

Spicy

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 187

You deserved it 4 065

Next

Top comments

livewire1701 8

Friday 18 March 2011 8:08

Your dad is awesome!

YakuzaxGeneralz 9

Friday 18 March 2011 8:08

it's not like they were cemented to the table. stop being lazy and pick them up. youre not hiding a sex swing.

Comments

randomosity11 3

Friday 18 March 2011 16:11

And this is an FML because.....

Grand_Cookie 21

Friday 18 March 2011 16:34

lol

takemewithy0u 0

Friday 18 March 2011 16:42

pick up after yourself, dumbass!

Mitcha857 0

Friday 18 March 2011 16:47

your a grown man so act like it dumbass

Patrickboy 0

Friday 18 March 2011 21:43

actually it's a woman dumbass

Frenchface 0

Friday 18 March 2011 16:50

hahaha looks like your pops told you

fawkingAye 0

Friday 18 March 2011 17:08

is your dad Red?

seximexi911 10

Friday 18 March 2011 17:08

does your dads name happen to be red Forman?

freshx_fml 6

Friday 18 March 2011 17:12

you're sofa king dumb. ass.

you_failed 15

Friday 18 March 2011 18:08

Amen to your pops! :D

you_failed 15

Friday 18 March 2011 18:10

Amen to your pops! :D

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The Top

Today, I was asked out by a guy who is doing community service because he was caught peeping through windows. I was tempted to say yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 115

You deserved it 26 672

Today, while my girlfriend is in hospital, I'm left at home with her mom. What I didn't know is that her mom's medication makes her do strange things. I learned that right away when she took a seat next to me, completely naked, on the couch. My girlfriend's mom is my grandmother's age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 128

Today, I'm supposed to hand in my Master's thesis. I only very vaguely remember my enthusiasm of six months ago, but remember clearly that - this time - I was planning to start in time and avoid last-minute stress. Seeing the sun come up at 5 a.m. tells me that it was a tad too optimistic. Just ten more hours to go… FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 1 082

Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 811

You deserved it 2 182

Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 550

You deserved it 29 648

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew. He told me he learned about fire safety, so I asked him what he'd do if there were a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 972

You deserved it 4 361