Intimacy: Good catch - FML

Good catch

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 597

You deserved it 91 049

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Same thing different taste

Parental advice

By ifeeldirty - 27/10/2011 12:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 138

You deserved it 8 918

Not a cheating!

By Notcheating - 03/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 294

You deserved it 492

By condom_kid - 27/07/2009 14:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 422

You deserved it 73 618

Dad jokes!

By Chels - 11/05/2011 05:17 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 572

You deserved it 5 335

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 084

You deserved it 5 836

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 534

You deserved it 2 905

Code of silence

By nean83 - 12/01/2013 05:11 - United States - Inglewood

Spicy

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 521

You deserved it 39 923

By NotSoComfortable - 17/12/2015 09:10 - Italy - Pontecchio Polesine

Spicy

Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 857

You deserved it 2 433

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Spicy

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 254

You deserved it 4 260

By Anonymous - 21/02/2015 13:46

Spicy

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 187

You deserved it 4 065

Next

Top comments

livewire1701 8

Friday 18 March 2011 8:08

Your dad is awesome!

YakuzaxGeneralz 9

Friday 18 March 2011 8:08

it's not like they were cemented to the table. stop being lazy and pick them up. youre not hiding a sex swing.

Comments

AmeliaPond21042 20

Friday 8 January 2016 1:07

i found this one funny lol. just cause ppl know you have sex doesnt mean you want to have stuff like that showing. lol

djstiv3 15

Saturday 20 February 2016 3:33

ehh. ydi but i mean its an embarrassing topic for some, i still never reallyyy talked with my folks on it. it gets brought up but thats it

amitilin 11

Friday 19 August 2016 6:27

At least you're not enough of a dumbass to not use the condoms!

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The Top

The Top

Today, the love of my life, and long term partner, sat me down and told me that he feels so comfortable in our relationship that he no longer feels the need to have sex with me, and he doesn't think that that will ever change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 613

You deserved it 3 674

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 868

You deserved it 395

Today, we all got together and showed Dad, with evidence from our ring doorbell and our phone recordings, that I’m the only one he shouts at, yet with everyone else he controls his temper perfectly. The end result? He sent everyone out so he could yell at me about violating his privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 137

Today, I found out a test I need to see if I need surgery on my gallbladder costs more than my pay check, even with insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 128

Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 51

Today, my date mugged me, just minutes after I paid our bill at the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 619

You deserved it 2 964