Paranoid

MaddyN - - United States - Forest Grove

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

47 060

3 538

  

This is mine now

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

38 250

6 819

  

Brain worms

smooth - - United States

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

30 887

19 126

  

Running late

SMV - - France

Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

32 268

6 108

  

Cheeky

BurnedByAWaiter -

Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML

41 625

8 465

  

Bad hair day

Tony -

Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML

38 350

2 650

  

Stoner in disguise

Anonymous - - United States - Rowlett

Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML

19 445

2 943

  

Jerk

GogglesGoggles - - United States

Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML

48 464

3 733

  

Early warning

Hreyes - - United States

Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

30 037

2 233

  

Sirens

yumx24 - - United States

Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML

46 127

16 217