Your everyday life stories

sleeping13hoursaday - 02/02/2018 21:06

Today, while trying to wean myself off of my 5 hour midday nap, I decided to clean my room, thinking that the activity would make me less tired. I woke up on the floor 5 hours later. FML

- 02/02/2018 17:25

Today, my landlord texted me about the rent. Ive set a reminder on my phone and I've written it down and I still forgot. FML

Anonymous - 02/02/2018 16:49

Today I found out that my idea to have a spring break with my college friends got turned into a spring break with all my college friends without me... FML

Anonymous - 02/02/2018 16:36

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex for the first time in weeks and I was excited! He finished within two minutes and then rolled over and played on his phone. While I was still laying lay disappointed. FML

GetOverIt - 02/02/2018 12:25

Today, my husband found out that I used to be a stripper - 16 years ago (14 years before we met). He's acting like I'm spoiled goods. I have a kid from a previous marriage. I don't know how innocent, he thought I was.. FML

freezer - 02/02/2018 06:03

Today, my blind date met me, took one look at me, said "Yeah... no" and then left. FML

"George Adrian Balas" - 02/02/2018 04:58

Today, my best friend's wife called me because they had a disagreement. I had to explain to him the difference between an erection and an ejaculation. We're almost 30 and I'm the single one. FML

XxsoulkittyxX - 01/02/2018 20:38 - United States - Mineola

Today, my professor gave me 10hrs of homework to do in a 3hr time period, upon getting home late and having one hour left, my grandma asks me to do the dishes, I say no due to homework, she informs me that she’s removing me from her will and disowning me. FML

Delsha - 02/02/2018 03:27

Today, I'm broke, unemployed, 29 weeks pregnant, and in a weirdly complicated relationship. My "partner" is also broke and unemployed. FML

- 01/02/2018 13:08 - United States - Kenai

Today, I found out I was conceived in a porno. I found out by watching it on Pornhub. FML

Boots McPants - 01/02/2018 15:06 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my teacher graded my assignment that I had to provide a voice recording for. I accidentally sent a recording of me beatboxing. FML

Sya Fika - 01/02/2018 20:01

Today, my shirt button popped off 20 mins before an interview. The interviewer was a male and it wasn’t exactly a private session. No one missed my sometimes exposed chest. FML

CreepyCrawlie - 01/02/2018 18:43

Today, I thought I killed a cockroach. Right when I flushed it, the legs started wriggling. I dare not use the toilet now in fear that it would crawl out from the toilet bowl. FML.

- 01/02/2018 12:19 - Canada - Halifax

Today, my boss definitely farted and it smelled atrocious. He tried to blame the smell on me and claimed that being fat meant that I would have definitely eaten a rotten egg. Everybody laughed. FML

returning to classic look - 01/02/2018 10:30 - United States - New York

Today, I decided to try out a new look at the work. Later, an insurance agent arrived to assess the damages caused by the fire 2 days ago saying, "I'm here to take pictures of the wreckage.". A co-worker pointed at me saying "She's right over there!" FML

Isasmella - 01/02/2018 16:13

Today, after my housemate's drunken night out, I woke up to find that someone taken a dump on our living room carpet, left brown smears on the sofa and on my tea towel (which they then lovingly left on the kitchen counter). My housemate claims to have no memory of who it was. FML

Qpon - 01/02/2018 15:06 - France - Boissy-saint-l?ger

Today, when I got home from work I found my 23 year old half brother from my mother's side and my 19 year old half sister from my father's side having sex in my bed. When I confronted them my sister says that at least if she gets pregnant our kids will have the same grandparents. FML

Noneya - 01/02/2018 00:02

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years, is married and has children. FML

missbird - 31/01/2018 22:29

Today, I met my new roommate. Every minute of every day, she lets out a loud, stinky fart, no matter what she eats. I'm stuck with her for at least the next year. FML

- 31/01/2018 18:46

Today, my mom's birthday, I had a whole day planned out where she was going to get pampered by me. After telling her this, she went on to say she wanted to just lay in bed for the day. I paid over $500 for everything. FML

PissedOffDaughter - 31/01/2018 18:19

Today, my brother informed me that our runaway father sent him a message on Facebook. We haven’t seen him in 17 years and the first thing he said was “Hey kiddo, it’s been awhile hasn’t it?”. FML

katie - 31/01/2018 17:45

Today, my father is considering disownment. Why? Because I, his only child, do not like Adele. FML

MadelaFamme - 31/01/2018 17:38

Today, my two year old son told me that Tide Pods look like candy. I've failed as a parent. FML

MakeThatMyExBf - 31/01/2018 17:32

Today, my boyfriend kept saying "Kristen" in his sleep. I'm not Kristen. FML

sucky - 31/01/2018 17:29

Today, I got called a 'noob' on an online game because I apparently stink at it. I've been playing the game for 10 years. FML

Brender - 31/01/2018 11:02 - United States - Hamden

Today, a guy was running from the police, jumped over my fence, which broke when he grabbed the top to swing himself and ended up cracking the entire support and my fence fell over and my dogs ran off. Thankfully, my neighbor caught the dogs, but I have an expense of an entire fence to replace. FML

Gus - 31/01/2018 15:12

Today, On my birthday, I took the girl I have liked for a long time out to dinner with my family. I had intended to tell her how I felt after the evening, but before I could she told me her weekend plans. On a bus to go hook up with a guy in another town. I'm picking her up after the weekend. FML

"Ashok Kumar" - 31/01/2018 09:30

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating has two kids. We often we hang out at my place, but today she invited me to her house. One of them called me dad. FML

Nikkibabe104 - 31/01/2018 03:04 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a nude picture of myself. I went into work a couple hours later to find my coworker acting weird. I then noticed that I sent the picture to my coworker and he also saved it to his camera roll. FML

lilsis - 31/01/2018 16:07 - Australia - Nundah

Today, I realized that as my sister and I shared one iPhone charger, and only one of us would be able to use it, as I was to be attending boarding school. After thinking for a while, my sister came to a conclusion. Her way of resolving the problem? Smashing my phone. Immediately. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I slipped on a wet floor in the grocery store. Instead of falling gracefully or quickly, I windmilled my arms for a few seconds while making direct eye contact with a toddler who looked genuinely impressed. I didn’t fall, but still… FML

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Today, my friends and I went camping. In the middle of the night, they carried me deep into the forest and left me there. I stepped on a beehive as I walked back to the tent. FML

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Today, my boyfriend tried to claim he can’t eat me out because he has a short tongue, a genuine medical condition that means he can’t do it properly. Funny, because I’ve seen him use that short tongue to completely clean out a Cadbury Creme Egg before without issue. He’s now sulking. FML

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Today, I finally told my girlfriend of four months that I love her. Her response was, "Uh... thanks?" FML

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Today, I asked if my psychiatrist would test me for autism, as I believe I may have it. His response? "You probably don't. Stay off social media once in a while." Well fuck me for wanting a professional opinion I guess. FML

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Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

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