Your everyday life stories

dingleberry - 18/02/2018 23:51

Today, after I was having sex in doggie with my boyfriend, there was a smell. Later, reaching behind me, I felt a dry ball of poop in the location of my butthole. There’s no way he couldn’t have seen or smelt it. FML.

NiagaraFalls - 18/02/2018 12:25 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I ate some sugar-free lemon bread for breakfast. Little did I know, sugar substitutes also act as powerful laxatives. I've been releasing a waterfall of laxative distress every 30 minutes, and I have to go to work in an hour. FML

- 18/02/2018 15:57

Today, is my birthday. I told my friends, jokingly, that what I wanted was to be skinny. While I was out, my friends took my spare key and stole my food, plates, and utensils. I came home to find my refrigerator stuffed full of lettuce on the picture on my phone of them eating my cake. FML

- 18/02/2018 12:42 - Finland

Today was my relative's funeral. We were on tight schedule, and as soon as we got to the church parking lot, our 2 year old daughter vomited all over herself. We couldn't change her clothes, and the car smells like rotten bananas now. FML

Alex - 18/02/2018 09:56

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years told me she wanted to see other people. She said she wanted "more variety." She decided to drop that bomb the day before I start my new job, at 4am, that I'm already really nervous about. FML

Dr. Pepper - 18/02/2018 01:21 - United States - Claremore

Today, I got a drink at the local gas station as I usually do in the morning, but didn't realize that they were out of mix until I got to work and took a sip of my brown, carbonated water. FML

- 18/02/2018 09:05 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I was giving my boyfriend early morning birthday sex. Just after we both finished, his mother calls. He answered and had a 5 minute conversation with her. I was still in him... he groaned as I slipped out. #FML

Anonymous - 17/02/2018 22:22 - United States - Lincoln

Today I came home after attending a family event alone and brought my boyfriend back some dinner. After having slept until 3 and woken up to get high and play video games I’m then ‘unfair downer’ for asking him to please use the headset so I can finish working on my laptop. Fml

CompulsiveGamer - 18/02/2018 07:11

Today, I realized I remember a video game school's layout better than mine. The virtual school is almost 3 times as big as my school. FML

Switched - 17/02/2018 21:11 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my Nintendo Switch and tv were destroyed by my wife. It was because we were playing Zelda and she wanted a turn. The Joy-Cons aren’t symmetrical, though, and this annoyed her to them point where she threw the controller, picked up the stand, and threw it, taking the tv with it. FML.

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Fifthday - 17/02/2018 20:01 - United States

Today, I looked over and watched as my dog happily ate away at the boogers he was being fed by my husband. I married a child. FML

FriendFamiliesFTW - 18/02/2018 00:32

Today, my mostly estranged father made his annual phone call and asked me how school was going. I have a serious chronic illness and it's taken me 14 years on and off to get through a degree. I got to tell him that I graduated with a First. His response? "Oh? Are you sure?" FML

Masture - 17/02/2018 23:31

Today, I was masturbating when my father came in the room. He took one look at me, winked, thumbs-upped, and left, laughing. FML

Barfo - 17/02/2018 16:56 - United States - Elkhart

Today, at a party, my friend dared me to drink my cat’s vomit. I refused but I tripped and fell by the puddle. Then, my girlfriend shoved my face into the vomit carpet. FML.

Anonymous - 17/02/2018 22:44

Today, we went out on a fishing charter, I was sick for 4 hours straight without even touching my rod & the boys caught a black Marlin. FML

- 17/02/2018 22:33

Today, while driving I hydroplaned and my car spun 180 degrees. Afterwards, while sitting there terrified for a second, another car honked and flipped me off for being in their way. FML

"Carl'sRightEye" - 17/02/2018 22:18

Today, some chemicals at work got on my hands. It burned so I ran it under water and washed it off. I went to tell my boss about it and he knew. He said that glass cleaner had spilled on the truck that morning. Two other teens had burns on their hands too. No first aid was offered. FML

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HateMyJob - 17/02/2018 21:19

Today, I came into work early so I can leave early. What I got instead was my boss threatening my job that I can't come and go when I want. He gave me permission to come in early in the first place, now he denies it. FML

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Legend Mantis - 17/02/2018 20:41

Today, I had to break it to my fiancé that was planning her a surprise birthday party, because she cried super hard when her friends pretended that they weren’t gonna be able to see her. Instead of being happy, she screamed, everyone lied to her and she hated me and doesn’t want to see anyone. FML

workworkwork - 17/02/2018 20:25

Today, my boyfriend not only forgot that it was Valentine's day, but that it was also my birthday. He reprimanded me for not reminding him as he drank the expensive bourbon I bought him. Fml.. FML

Partyof1 - 17/02/2018 12:29 - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, I invited these acquaintances over to play video games. He took off his shoes and foot funk filled the room. He left about 30 minutes later. I aired the room and sprayed air freshener. The smell remained. All bedding had to be washed because his foot funk penetrated the fabric. FML

Anonymous - 17/02/2018 16:46

Today, I was in music class and was asked to do a solo song with guitar and vocals. After finished this guy came up to me and said 'you did great! Do you wanna get lunch sometime?' After saying no my best friend came up to me and said 'wow. And you cry cause you're single'. I'm gay. FML

Anonymous - 17/02/2018 13:00

Today, my girlfriend slapped me with her nails a few months ago, it didn’t even break the skin but it somehow still became a scar. I have fingernail scratch mark scars on my face and it’s super obvious what they are from so I get judged as a prick everywhere I go. FML

"sara moore" - 17/02/2018 04:23 - United States

Today, my dog stole my hot chocolate from me. Then spit it all over my blankets.. It's 4:22am and I'm washing blankets. FML

"Aaw1" - 17/02/2018 09:29

Today, after a year of his guessed pronunciations, I finally corrected my boss on how to pronounce my name. It's only 2 syllables. FML

Österreich - 17/02/2018 09:10

Today, I asked my girlfriend if we could try anal. She responded, "Yes.“ I will never forget the smell. FML

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Mr T - 17/02/2018 16:45 - Australia - Glenfield

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend only dated me for a few weeks because she felt sorry as I am overweight. How did I find out? She is currently dating my best friend of 8 years. FML

"tommysoxfan" - 17/02/2018 05:38

Today, I found out my wife has been cheating on me with my old high school bully. FML

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Melis_sileM - 17/02/2018 01:33 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I caught my boyfriend stealing condoms from my brother's bedroom. I'm on the pill. FML

Again - 17/02/2018 01:30

Today, I was one of the last people to tell my mom "Happy Birthday". The first thing she says is "everyone else has been saying Happy Birthday all day, you're the last one." But did everyone else flies cross country when you were in the hospital? Really hard to love her sometimes.. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, after giving a speech at college, I did the good ol' mic drop. The microphone fell with a loud bang that was heard through the clapping. FML

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Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML

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Today I started a new job, I found out that my employer doesn't follow the labour laws and my new co-workers are planning on reporting the owner of the company. The owner is my father, and I want to help them report him. FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. Before we'd finished, we were interrupted by my ex dropping my daughter off with no notice. In my rush to answer the door, I hopped off my boyfriend. The condom came off inside me. After a few minutes of feeling around, I pulled the condom out, and discovered I was on my period. FML

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Today, during an argument between me and my boyfriend, he called for his mom. She came up and told us both off and told us to stop screaming, as if we were kids. We are both well over 30. FML

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Today, I got a text just before class that my partner didn't finish their half of our 30 page research paper because: "That class is stupid." FML

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