Sex

Independance, now!

By Kye Hooper - 12/10/2023 06:02 - Australia - Perth

Today, I found out that my partner doesn't ever want sex from me again. I'm too broke to leave her, so I guess my sex life is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 255

That sucks

By funnyERstory - 23/11/2016 04:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 003

You deserved it 1 560

Bad sex ed

By Sex ed instructor, fuck me - 18/04/2022 06:00

Today, I was ready to have sex with my new boyfriend. Turns out he's a 30 year-old virgin who doesn't know shit. He couldn't find my vagina and was just humping my crotch, then when he finally got it in it was 5 pumps, a squirt and done. He thinks he did a good job. Now I have to teach him how to do it properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 180

You deserved it 842

All you need is hate

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 09:01

Today, I found out I only exist because my parents hated each other. They both worked in the same office and despised each other, until they had a hate-fuck in a storeroom after a blazing argument, resulting in me. I exist due to sex fuelled by hatred and lust. Yay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 990

You deserved it 210

Ace of spades

By anonymous - 01/11/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, the guy I’d been seeing told me he’s asexual and our relationship would never go past holding hands. He called me a 'shallow bitch' after I told him we weren’t a match. Isn’t him asking me to give up sex forever the same as me asking him to have sex? Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 465

You deserved it 220

Snooping around

By Anonymous - 29/09/2025 20:00

Today, I found out the heartbreaking truth of why my husband won’t have sex with me. He cheated, got an STD, and is now waiting for it to clear up before he touches me again. When I confronted him, he flipped out and wrecked the house because I invaded his privacy by going into his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 84

Dodged a bullet

By CC. - 11/10/2011 14:51 - Sweden

Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 913

You deserved it 25 077

Rules and regulations

By backseatbusted - 21/05/2013 16:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 911

You deserved it 13 036

By yuck - 17/07/2019 14:15

Today, my father informed me that he is going to divorce his bitch of a wife, but told me not to say anything to mess things up, in case he wants to "hit that one more time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 942

You deserved it 151

Set phasers to stun

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 00:30

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because there was “something missing”, which was the lack of sex we had because she didn’t feel good about her body. Less than three hours after crushing my heart, she posted about how hard it will be to have a "hoe phase" during a pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 189

MAI WAIF

By Anonymous - 13/07/2022 18:00

Today, I got a secondhand message from my mother to not jerk off so much. I know it’s secondhand because my wife says the same thing. They’re in cahoots and lie to one another: mom just wants grandkids, and my wife doesn’t want a smile on my face she didn’t put there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 535

Bad date

By I hate chuds - 12/02/2025 20:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was hit up to "Netflix and chill" by a guy I hang out with, so I dressed up real nice and went over. Unfortunately, the "Netflix" was actually watching Joe Rogan, and the "chill" was smiling politely whenever he would say, "He's right, you know?" and figuring out how and when to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 155

Revealing

By Anonymous - 23/12/2016 12:09 - Netherlands

Today, on WhatsApp, I jokingly said, "I have been a naughty furry, I need spanking" in a group chat with all my friends. They had a good time laughing their asses off, not only because of the text, but because I put it in a group that included my boss and all of my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 557

You deserved it 9 893

Anarchy in the UK

By Anonymous - 23/08/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a lack of porn is ruining my life. My boyfriend refuses to verify his age for some reason, so now every time he’s horny he pesters me instead of sneaking off to the bathroom. I enjoy sex and porn too, but not three times a day. I’ve got other shit to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 280

Girls will be girls

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 772

Just… why?

By Ob3nie - 14/07/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a FaceTime. Busted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 672

You deserved it 54 204

Three's the magic number

By Letdown - 23/02/2022 12:00

Today, I asked my wife for a threesome to spice up our sex life. Her exact response to me was, “The only threesome we should be having is between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.” I'll take that as a “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 2 022

Oh, hi Mark!

By Anonymous - 26/08/2012 05:46 - United States - Olympia

Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 090

You deserved it 3 940

Parenting is sharing

By Stephanie - 12/03/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, as a new mother post-partum, I was overwhelmed as fuck. I hit rock bottom. I couldn’t get my infant to stop crying. I already fed him, changed his diaper, and held him. My husband smugly told me, “Why you crying for? You were moaning, “Nut inside me, Daddy” during sex. This is what you signed up for!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 335

Spellbreaker

By Anonymous - 08/12/2022 18:00

Today, my boyfriend was eating me out and I was so close to orgasm, but he suddenly stopped because his phone notified him of the football scores. He only stopped for a few seconds to check but the moment was ruined, and even though he got right back down there it just wasn’t happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 328

You deserved it 285

Grow up

By Anonymous - 23/03/2021 00:30

Today, my father came to my sister's place and yelled at her, "I knew it, you're such a whore!" because she slept with her new boyfriend. He's her first boyfriend in five years, since my father scared her previous boyfriend because of my father's possessive behavior. My sister is 34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 015

You deserved it 128

50 Shades of Grey's Anatomy

By Anonymous - 14/01/2023 12:00

Today, I had the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. Too bad it put me in the hospital with a slipped disc and a concussion, and yet I just know me and the violent lady in question will probably do it all again at our next date. Good thing my health insurance is paid up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 1 234

Going well, is it?

By Elizabeth - 29/07/2011 19:56 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that after he gets off work, he can find me in his room wearing something sexy. He responded with, "Please don't touch anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 913

You deserved it 5 480

Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I sent my fuckbuddy a sexy message about what I wanted to do in bed with him next time we meet. He responded with, "oki doki". FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 499

Bad sex

By Anonymous - 24/06/2022 22:00

Today, I had sex for the first time in two years. With a man I love, who is handsome, very nicely equipped, and quite good at it. I was in pain the entire time. It took me 3 tries to realize there is something physically wrong with me, and once I get it fixed, he'll be gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 240

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 168

You deserved it 13 435

Getting dryer

By Anonymous - 11/01/2025 15:00 - United States - Ironwood

Today, I (32F) tried to break a two month dry spell with my boyfriend of five years. He pointed out a cold sore on my lip. I never got cold sores before I met him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 126

By anonymous - 25/10/2010 21:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend suggested we imagine each other as someone else when we had sex. I imagined he was Tom Cruise. He imagined I was my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 956

You deserved it 8 865

Appeal to nature

By Anonymous - 29/06/2022 16:00

Today, I dumped my boyfriend for cheating on me and he actually asked if we weren’t dating could we still have sex, as a FWB type of thing. I blame his mother, she must have done something to screw him up, there’s no way idiocy like his occurs naturally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 270

One track mind

By Anonymous - 29/05/2023 22:00

Today, it’s been so long since I've had sex, I dream about it every night and I can barely function mentally unless I masturbate frequently, otherwise I get random boners throughout the day that won’t go away, no matter how much I try to think about something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 418

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 176

You deserved it 59 112

Today, as I was instructing our new third grade students about how our martial arts classes are safer than people think, someone broke their leg right in front of their innocent faces. They saw the bone sticking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 388

You deserved it 1 076

Today, my girlfriend recently dumped me because she's serious about her career (temp secretary) and needs a man who’s also serious about his career. I’m an area manager for 6 hotels, making almost six figures. I found out she's now dating a very low level weed dealer. Serious career. Sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 767

You deserved it 143

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 236

You deserved it 12 277

Today, I finally give rollerblading a try, since it looked so effortless. I put on all the gear and started skating down the street. Within seconds, I lost control, crashed into a garbage bin, and rolled directly into my neighbor's yard. I was so embarrassed that I just lay there pretending I was "just fine, really" while their dog licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 470

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 368

You deserved it 13 773