Cute

Dog park blues

By Anonymous - 29/06/2024 20:00 - Canada

Today, while dogsitting for a friend, I took their overly excitable dog to the park. The moment I unleashed him, he bolted, and I ended up chasing him for what felt like miles. When I finally caught him, I was covered in mud and my pants had a huge tear in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 682

Get back here

By Dog the bounty hunter - 11/07/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog somehow figured out how to open the sliding glass door while I was taking a nap. I woke up to a text from my neighbor, saying, “Your damn dog is running around at the park annoying a bunch of strangers for food. You might want to come and grab her.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 174

Alexa, play "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac

By MadMax - 16/07/2009 14:59 - United States

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 543

You deserved it 5 364

By Kylee Day - 27/08/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for a second time. When I was getting dressed afterwards with him sitting next to me, there was a silence. To break it, he grabbed my hand and fistbumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 419

By geewhy - 26/12/2012 21:20 - United States - South Park

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 743

You deserved it 5 451

The struggle is real

By Anonymous - 07/01/2023 12:00 - Germany

Today, I can tell that my cat comes from a household were there was not much cleaning being done: The vacuum is a monster to be fled from, while the mop and the lint brush, as well as any cleaning rag, are brazen intruders to be vanquished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 700

Boundaries

By Alock - 08/09/2024 00:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 101

Not a good look

By Gloria - 13/03/2023 00:00

Today, date night with my boyfriend. I had my makeup done, fake lashes, etc. He was staring at me and I’m thought, "Oh, he loves how my eyes look" so I started flirting a lot, fluttering my lashes. We then took a pic and saw my lashes were falling, so I asked, ”Were they like that the whole night?” He replied, “Yeah, it looked weird.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 487

Kids be shopping

By Anonymous - 09/06/2023 15:00

Today, all I heard in B&Q was my daughter laughing hysterically in the next aisle and sure enough, when I ran around, my husband was completely engrossed in some discount item on a shelf, completely ignoring our daughter who had opened a bottle of some sort of oil and painted her whole head in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 171

Early warning

By Anonymous - 16/11/2024 00:00 - Ireland

Today, my dog started barking at literally nothing in the middle of the night. I spent 15 minutes convinced there was a ghost or something in my house, only to realize she was barking at her own shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 134

Love language

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 486

You deserved it 3 936

I ain't no hollaback girl

By Anonymous - 03/05/2025 12:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I was walking my dog when a car slowed down, and a guy leaned out of the window, then yelled, "Hey, nice dog!" Naturally, I turned to reply, "Thank you!" only to find that the guy had no intention of complimenting me at all. He had been talking to the dog the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 234

A cute one for a change

By Anonymous - 25/01/2025 03:00 - Australia

Today, I planned a romantic picnic date. I packed all my boyfriend’s favorite foods, set up a cozy blanket, and even brought flowers. The second we sat down, it started raining. We ate soggy sandwiches in my car while laughing at our “perfect date.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 131

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 1 579

Congrats

By Anonymous - 02/09/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, my bosses pulled me aside and said to me they appreciated me for being such a hard worker, and told me they had something for me. They gave me a one year pin. Today was my 3 year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 73

Greatest prank ever

By Anonymous - 10/01/2023 19:00 - United States - Yakima

Today, while I was mid-act with my girlfriend, my mom unlocked my bedroom door and came in shaking maracas. She then handed them to my very shocked girlfriend and told her these were the "Busted maracas" and directed her to pass them along accordingly. Well, at least our first time was memorable… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 374

Bad boy

By lukey101 - 27/03/2023 16:00

Today, my puppy celebrated a milestone by lifting his leg to pee for the first time. Too bad it was up against my brand new soft fabric couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 189

Stalkerish

By Anonymous - 15/04/2025 09:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was trying to take a sneaky picture of the cute guy sitting across from me on the train. My phone’s flash went off. I panicked, dropped my phone, and then had to awkwardly stand up to retrieve it while he just stared at me, clearly aware of what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 730

Long time coming

By Anonymous - 14/04/2023 13:00

Today, it's been 14 years since at our wedding my now-husband lost the wedding ring, and we had to rush to buy another, which delayed the wedding and cost us our honeymoon flight and thousands of extra pounds. I just got his old suit out to dry clean. The missing ring was in its box, in his jacket. I'm going to kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 268

Choose your fighter

By Anonymous - 05/09/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, during the night, we thought we had an intruder, but it was my girlfriend who grabbed a hammer and went downstairs to check. After it turned out to be the damn cat, I asked her why she made me stay upstairs. Apparently because she’s seen me fight in the past, she felt much safer doing it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 513

Transactional

By Anonymous - 04/06/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I set up a nice picnic style dinner in our living room for my wife. No special occasion, just because, but when she got home and saw it, all I got was a “great, and I suppose you’ll want sex for this?” then she made herself a sandwich and went to bed, no explanation. Why do I bother? FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 132

Dionysus wept

By Anonymous - 11/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend he looked like a Greek god. He looked confused and said, "Thanks, I guess? But aren’t they all fat and drunk?" I’m dating a man who thinks Greek gods are just overweight party animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 166

All mine

By Happy NOT Father's Day to me? - 17/06/2025 15:00 - Philippines - Paranaque City

Today, I met my ex, whom I have not seen in years, in the airport. She was with a 3 year-old girl who ran to me with open arms, happily saying, "Papa!" Overjoyed, I picked her up, hugging her back, and kissed her. My ex then condescendingly said, "She's NOT yours!" When I asked why, she said, "She calls ALL MEN 'Papa'!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 163

Good boy nonetheless

By Ethan - 18/08/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my new puppy to the dog park, proud of my cute little fluff ball. Instead of behaving nicely like the other dogs present, my dog ignored every toy, treat and friendly dog, and ran straight into a pond. He emerged soaked, covered in mud, and proudly dropped a muddy stick at my feet like it was a trophy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 404

Conversational skills

By no_leather_of_any_kind - 07/04/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 556

You deserved it 9 714

Clinging on

By Jeremy - 26/07/2025 00:00 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I did laundry after weeks of procrastinating. Feeling accomplished, I wore a freshly cleaned hoodie to work. Halfway through the day, I discovered my niece’s Paw Patrol underwear clinging to the inside of my hood. I’d been walking around with Chase the Police Dog flapping behind my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 206

Always read the fine print

By Anonymous - 04/02/2023 14:00

Today, I noticed that my coffee mug has a 'dishwasher safe' label. I've been hand washing it for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 854

Menace to society

By Uri - 20/12/2024 09:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I sneezed so hard during a meeting that my glasses flew off and hit my boss in the face. Now everyone keeps jokingly ducking every time I look their way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 119

Please be patient

By Anonymous - 31/05/2024 09:00 - Netherlands - Elspeet

Today, and since I moved to the Netherlands in 2021, I have been learning Dutch ever since then, and have reached a Dutch accent point (Southern). Today I was in a shop and was asking a cashier for something behind the counter in Dutch. They answered in English to my request, even though they were CLEARLY Dutch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 442

Doofus

By wobbles - 04/12/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to find my glasses. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I was wearing them the whole time, or that my girlfriend played along and helped me look for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 941

You deserved it 34 365

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The Top

Today, I was working at Coldstone. When a customer tips us we are required to sing. A late night DJ came in, put 20 dollars in the tip cup, and asked to hear every song we had. After we sang one song he looked at me and asked me to please stop singing or he was taking his money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 142

You deserved it 8 981

Today, when I was visiting my dad in the ICU, the nurse was trying to help him sit upright and his dick and balls plopped out of his hospital gown for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 161

Today, by being clumsy when putting my bread slices on a plate, I invented a sensational new type of sandwich: The Nutella-Salmon-Garlic Double-Decker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 441

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 787

You deserved it 3 232

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 162

You deserved it 2 883

Today, my husband has a chronic illness and can't work. We have 2 special needs kids who need a lot of assistance. Rent continues to go up and went up this year $570 for a total of $1800. I've taken up a second job to make ends meet, but it's increasing my depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 195