Awkward

TikTok strikes again

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 14:01

Today, I tried the 'drop the towel' challenge in front of my wife so I could record her reaction for TikTok, and maybe get some weekend booty. She barely even reacted, gave me the 'go away I’m busy' arm wave, and when I didn’t leave fast enough, she actually whipped my knob with her charging cable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 1 997

Internalized misogyny

By Anonymous - 08/01/2022 13:59

Today, I was anonymously sent screenshots of texts from my new boss to my interviewer, saying I got almost all the questions wrong but to hire me anyway because they’re hiring quota has to be at least 40% women. That’s the only reason I got the job, tits and no brains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 588

Free speech

By jessie - 06/01/2022 02:01

Today, for about the tenth time this month, I opened my mouth and was immediately told to, “Shut the fuck up” before I'd actually said anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 223

What a * liar, dude! What a *, weaselly, little liar, dude!

By nohablaespanol - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Sanger

Today, I had an interview for a job I really wanted. On my resumé, I wrote that I speak conversational Spanish, although I don't. When I arrived for the interview, my interviewer decided to conduct it in Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 658

You deserved it 96 005

Barely legal

By nikki - 04/01/2022 14:01 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my biology teacher subscribed to my OnlyFans. This wouldn’t be weird if the last time I saw or spoke to him wasn't my freshman year of high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 1 943

Dear Prudish

By Anonymous - 04/01/2022 01:59

Today, I got a job with a filmmaking company, turned up on my first day, and now I know why I'd never heard of the company before. Porn. They were making porn, all kinds of disgusting porn. I quit so fast I was barely even there. This was the only job offer I’ve had since graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 9 130

WTF dad?

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 01:59

Today, my husband ranted about how children are awful, and parents who claim they love their kids are complete liars, and if everyone admitted that we hated our kids and resented them for existing, there’d be a lot more happy childless couples. We don’t even have kids for him to hate this much. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 242

Love is complicated

By Anonymous - 31/12/2021 17:01

Today, if I’m not at work, I’m spending my time racing back and forth between sheer relief that I’m no longer married to my ex-husband and that I’ve got my freedom and independence back, and bursting into tears because the slightest thing reminds me of him, and I miss the awful twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 270

Thicker than water

By Anonymous - 31/12/2021 02:00

Today, after hitting hard times and needing a place to stay, I'd asked my sister for help to which she sent me a paragraph-long response about how it would break their lease if they had people live there, leading me to sleep on a friend's couch, I found out our tweaker mom started staying at my sisters and didn't leave for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 180

Not funny, man

By ChristinaGee - 30/12/2021 20:00

Today, my husband says he wants to file for divorce because he’s tired of me being a “bossy boots.” Apparently, asking him to stop sending a 17 year-old girl dick pics as a “joke” is too much to ask. My tongue is going to fall out from the many times I've had to explain to him why it’s inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 764

You deserved it 410

Didn't see ya there!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Langley

Today, I managed to punch a customer's child as he walked around the corner just as I was enthusiastically pointing his mother in the direction of what she was looking for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 724

You deserved it 4 654

Slapstick manners

By jake - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were on a romantic dinner for two, I tried pulling out the chair for her. She fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 622

You deserved it 6 411

Souvenir

By nick - 26/12/2021 08:01 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I found out my son’s middle name was named after my wife’s muscled up highschool ex-boyfriend who cheated on her and who she sometimes still brings up. She tells me it’s nothing and still acts like I’m crazy for communicating my worry to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 157

It's a Christmas… Anticlimax

By Lexie - 25/12/2021 23:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I got dressed up in my best attire and drove an hour to my family Christmas, only to find out it was canceled, and nobody bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 102

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 17:01

Today, I asked my husband to talk and he got the most tired and “Here we go again” look and then asked what he’d done wrong this time. Apparently, I get mad at him so often that now every time we talk, he immediately assumes he did something wrong. I think I’m a horrible wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 1 868

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 05:01

Today, I had to have the awkward conversation with my wife of 20-plus years that the reason I’ve lost interest in sex is because our sex life has been mind numbingly boring for at least 15 of those years, always the same positions, never wanting to try anything new, just so boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 1 463

Christmas gifts

By not a thief - 24/12/2021 01:59

Today, while I was home sick from work, my neighbor got packages delivered. Our apartments have had a lot of thefts lately so, being neighborly, I brought her stuff inside to wait. When she came home, I gave them right to her. Instead of thanking me, she told the office that I was the thief all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 238

You deserved it 147

Let down

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I visited a friend out of state. We've been flirting for months and decided to fool around at night. He was very loving and attentive, but... he'd bragged about his dick being 6 inches and it ended up being not only thin, but very short. So thin and short that I couldn't really feel it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 388

Interrogation

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing my dad said to him was "So, how low have you kissed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 141

You deserved it 4 067

Random Ass Memory

By Anonymous - 21/12/2021 11:01

Today, I yelled at my husband for staying out till after 9 and not having done any of the chores. He turned round and yelled right back at me for letting him sit alone at the restaurant, getting sympathy from the waiters, because I clearly forgot today was our anniversary dinner. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 4 149

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 21/12/2021 05:01

Today, as a 6 ft 8 woman, I never get much attention from men, until today when a guy who was 7 ft 1 approached me at the bar with the chat up line, "Hey little lady, you look about my size, can I buy you a drink?" It worked. I'm such a stereotype, we’re going on a date tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 539

The help's helped

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 08:02

Today, my husband has some issues, and has been going to therapy every week after losing his job, so I've been paying the therapist's hourly rate. Turns out they’ve been using the hour to fuck like bunnies, no therapy has ever taken place, and I’ve been paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 285

You deserved it 170

Lock him up!

By Abnes - 19/12/2021 19:58

Today, my ex harassed me at work again. I can't complain to my manager, because they're brothers. I can't report it to the cops either, because his uncle works at the police department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 143

Thanks, I hate this

By fat girl - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - North Pole

Today, my coworkers threw me a surprise baby shower. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 460

You deserved it 5 710

Alexa, play "Don't Give Up" by Peter Gabriel

By Anonymous - 19/12/2021 10:58

Today, I've come to terms that I'm only living to work. I'm going to be 25, no friends, never had any experience with women. Been trying all year to meet someone, hasn't worked out at all. Dead end job, school did nothing for me. I literally just exist to work, and have no happy memories at all. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 244

Dogs are people too

By Seriously? - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he's named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 286

You deserved it 6 608

Back again so soon?

By Anonymous - 18/12/2021 00:58 - United States - Van Horn

Today, I went to the Chick-fil-A drive through. Instead of asking me my name for my order, I was greeted by my name. I asked how he knew it, and he responded by saying he makes it a point to remember all the great customers' names. He added that I come there all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 1 007

One joke too far

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 14:01

Today, after spending 5 years working towards my dream job, getting it, and while in training telling a risqué joke, I got suspended the next day, lost the job, and I'm now in a shitty admin job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 1 884

Birthday! Yay!

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 08:02

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I got a text from an unknown number, asking if I knew a girl that I had been talking to for a couple months. Turns out that it was that girl’s boyfriend, who saw our messages and let me know what she’s been up to. Greatest birthday present ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 127

Doesn't add up

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 05:02

Today, my coworker asked me to add her on Facebook. She has a common name, so I picked the one I thought was her. After no response for a while, I asked for the right spelling. She saw the one I thought was her and said, “I can’t believe you thought I was that ugly.” She wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 222

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my date suggested we go to 10:30 p.m. movie so we could "talk" in the car afterwards, when the parking lot was empty. Thus, at 1 a.m., I thought we were going to make out. However, he only asked where I get my car air freshener from, had me write down the scent, and then suggested we go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 401

You deserved it 2 241

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 576

You deserved it 10 212

Today, my roommate thought of a new idea for our household. According to him, we should take dumps at work as often as we can, that way, "we'll save on toilet paper at home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 48

Today, it's the third day I've been at home recuperating from ear surgery. My surgery was on the same day my neighbor started renovating. There's been hours of jack-hammering every day I've been home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 697

You deserved it 146

Today, I ran into a police officer while on my bike. It wouldn't be so bad, had he not been riding a massive horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 081

You deserved it 9 305

Today, I was reassuring my girlfriend that I wasn't cheating on her because I was sneaking around. I'm actually just planning a surprise birthday party for her. During the reassuring, I accidentally called her by another girl's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 978

You deserved it 30 321