Awkward

Doghouse

By Krissi - 21/08/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I was late for a video conference with my boss. As I frantically tried to fix my messy hair, my dog thought it was the perfect time to play fetch. I ended up joining the meeting with a squeaky toy in hand and an appearance that would make a scarecrow look put together. My boss found it hilarious, but I'm pretty sure my career aspirations are now in the doghouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 527

Dirty protest

By Paul - 21/08/2023 00:02

Today, I had a job interview; unfortunately for me, I was so nervous that all of a sudden I felt the need to take a huge dump. My bowels started growling out of protest. I tried to play it off as if it was due to me being hungry, but it sounded like I had a monster trapped in my guts. The interviewer raised an eyebrow in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 122

My type of dude

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, I realized I have a type: a man who is highly intelligent to begin with, but then either decides to apply his IQ exclusively to theoretical thinking and not real life, or who purposely dulls his wits to the point where you can hardly even have a conversation any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 215

Next step: Love

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, I was helping my boyfriend of 8 years set up his Google Mini after he complained a thousand times that it wasn't working. As I successfully set up, I got to the part where one can set up speed dial contacts and we looked for my contact on his phone. I saw my name was saved as 'Lust'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 164

The neighbor from hell

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, armed with enthusiasm and a trowel, I ventured into my yard to plant some flowers. Not even five minutes later, I managed to dig up the cable line, cutting off not only my TV but the entire building's internet. The only thing that's blooming now is my reputation as the least popular neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 655

Good intentions

By Joe666 - 19/08/2023 20:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I decided to declutter my closet and donate old clothes. Proud of my altruism, I packed everything into bags and drove to the donation center. As I handed over the bags, the volunteer looked at me sympathetically and said, "We're not accepting donations right now." So not only did I just Marie Kondo my wardrobe, I also managed to be a one-person traffic jam for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 157

That's not my name

By noname - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Alexandria

Today, I found out that my fellow marching band mates all refer to me as "The short girl with big tits" because none of them can remember my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 694

You deserved it 4 596

I'm new to all this!

By Anonymous - 18/08/2023 20:00

Today, I tried to parallel park in front of a crowd. After several failed attempts, someone shouted from a window above, "Nice 23-point turn, dumbass!" I was practicing on an empty street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 251

Mean Girls

By i won’t sit with them - 18/08/2023 07:00 - United States - Azusa

Today, I got real life Mean Girled at school. The class was discussing former jobs and I mentioned that I used to be a stripper before enrolling in nursing school. No one has talked to me since, and I haven’t felt this excluded since I was the weird kid in middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 357

Could be useful in the right circumstances

By ThisIsYourDoc - 18/08/2023 14:00 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, I finished the rather expensive Arabic language course I have been taking for about 6 months. I still can't hold a conversation, but I can now say, "May Allah give you a headache and you are stuck in Beirut's traffic for two hours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 164

Thanks, I hate it!

By thanks for reminding me - 18/08/2023 01:00 - United States

Today, I was reduced to a blubbering mess at my baby shower. My mom bought tons of clothes, bibs, etc. Sounds nice right? Well, they all had sayings like "Daddy’s Little Princess" and "Daddy’s Girl." She knows full well my fiancé quit his job, changed his number, and disappeared without a trace 3 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 136

Confused?

By UghIgiveup - 18/08/2023 04:00

Today, the new person that I was supposed to train didn't show up for the second time in a row. They only had one session with me, and nobody is able to tell me what I'm doing wrong. This is the third time in two years. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 117

I didn't agree to this

By Anonymous - 17/08/2023 20:00

Today, like every day, my baby mama is bashing me on social media for not wanting to be involved with my kid's life. What she conveniently leaves out is she got my used rubber out of the trash to impregnate herself because she thought I would leave her soon. I already pay child support, so why can't she just leave me alone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 231

Risky move

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 995

You deserved it 3 896

No means no, Deborah

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 16:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, it's my birthday. A month ago, I'd told everyone I invited to my party that it was going to be adults only. One of my friends brought her kids with her anyway, then started screaming and trashing the place when I politely asked her to leave. The cops had to be called to finally get her out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 119

These '80s nostalgia trends are getting out of hand

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 04:00

Today, I was waiting for my boyfriend with wet celery, a flying helmet, a feather duster, and an egg whisk as an 'Allo 'Allo! themed sex joke. He didn’t get it so I had to explain it to him, which kind of ruined the joke. In the end we just spent yet another sexless night, bored, watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 334

Bad omen

By Anonymous - 14/08/2023 22:00

Today, my wife hates being a mom so much that our daughter is practically being raised by her grandparents, due to how often she just drops her at their house, multiple times a week. I of course pick her straight up as soon as I finish work, but it’s her bedtime only an hour later. This is not good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 195

What's so funny?

By Puleksy - 14/08/2023 14:00 - Poland - Brzeg

Today, I said to my significant other, "I think I'm a pretty good catch." She started laughing so heavily that tears came out of her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 228

My eyes!

By alyssabree42 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Estacada

Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 126

You deserved it 23 631

Breaking news

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to tell my super-conservative parents that I had just gone to visit the boyfriend I'm not supposed to have so that I could tell him I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 504

You deserved it 57 950

You what now?

By Anonymous - 13/08/2023 17:02 - United States

Today, my rowing coach asked my teammates and me a question that I couldn’t quite hear. The answer should’ve been, “We rowed in pairs today” and I responded, “Only in Central Park.” The question was, “How did you row today?” not, “Have you rowed?” There was a long moment of silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 261

Hey Deborah, check these out

By Gabby - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 518

You deserved it 23 912

No contact from now on

By lordoftheweird - 13/08/2023 08:00 - Canada

Today, I had to explain to my family why using a registered sex offender as a babysitter is a bad idea. They didn't understand and now my grandmother can't see her grandkids, and my dad is facing a lengthy prison sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 97

Queasy Lover

By dizzy - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Malaysia

Today, I discovered that sea-sickness also applies when making love on my girlfriend's new water bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 879

You deserved it 6 162

Did Kris Jenner put you up to this?

By Anonymous - 12/08/2023 10:00

Today, my wife wanted to spice things up by making a sex tape. Not sure if it was excitement or just the pressure of being on camera, but the whole thing was less than 4 minutes, including foreplay and apologising, and due to bad camera placement most of the film was of my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 216

Rave on

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I used the same credit card to apply to college and pay for a rave ticket. My card went through on the rave ticket but denied the college application fee. I guess my credit card is trying to tell me something about my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 580

You deserved it 10 972

Sting operation

By Anonymous - 11/08/2023 08:00

Today, my husband cheated on me 8 hours into our marriage with one of the barmaids serving drinks at the party. He claimed he was drunk and thought she was me. Kind of hard to claim that when I clearly heard him moaning her name right before I caught them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 102

Alanis, we've got another case!

By Arghh - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had an allergic reaction to cranberry juice. The only reason I was drinking cranberry juice was to help with a bladder infection. Now I'm covered in what looks like a rash and peeing constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 432

You deserved it 3 447

Food for thought

By Anonymous - 10/08/2023 16:00

Today, in order to not upset my boss's autistic son who believes he is a chef, I had to choke down food that was both burnt and undercooked in the middle, contained way too much salt, and no other seasonings at all. I’m a real chef and I could feel my taste buds dying after eating that slop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 214

Seventh heaven

By Anonymous - 10/08/2023 06:00

Today, during sex I blurted out, “Oh god yes, put a baby in me!” He lost his boner instantly because he doesn’t want kids. I don’t even know why I said it, I don’t want kids either. In fact I warned him before we started dating that I never want kids, so if he did want kids he should date someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 722

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 132

You deserved it 18 261

Today, as I was getting my mail, I noticed I'd received a free coupon from a baby supply store, saying, "Congratulations on your pregnancy!" Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I live with. All she had to say was, "Surprise!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 139

You deserved it 17 340

Today, I was on a video call with my crush from work. Trying to look totally chill, I leaned back in my chair. The back of chair gave way, so I fell out of frame, and the only thing he saw before I disconnected was my foot in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 213

Today, I attended my graduation ceremony. My parents acted mysteriously and kept urging me to go home, since we had to be "on time" for something. Thinking they might have planned a surprise party, I left my friends behind. I missed my graduation because my mom wanted to watch a TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 892

You deserved it 338

Today, I searched up ways to fix my eyebrows since they were so bushy and thick. I took my tweezers and set to work. It went to shit. So now, I have one completely straight eyebrow that makes me look like Bert from Sesame Street and another that's arched like Nina Dobrev's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 766

You deserved it 21 545

Today, Covid started when I was a freshmen in highschool. I'm now halfway through my Junior year and I still haven't experienced any normal high school events or traditions. I'm going to graduate without experiencing anything. Now we have a new variant… again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 194