Awkward

Wanker

By oops - 09/02/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 421

You deserved it 8 873

Damn

By suicide - 04/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was OK. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 815

You deserved it 33 880

Roommates from hell, part 350125

By Escape! - 03/02/2009 21:38 - United States

Today, I walked in on my porn addicted roommate watching a gynecology exam online. He asked me to watch it with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 621

You deserved it 4 268

Party zone!!

By helloworld92 - 31/01/2009 20:33 - United States

Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple smirnoff, I puked up the Chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 288

You deserved it 8 118

Happy to see me

By brighteyes - 31/01/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I tried to befriend the lonely boy who sits at the end of my table at lunch. He always sleeps or does homework during lunch. I walked over to him, tripped, and spilled my open bottle of water on his jeans. I apologized profusely and wiped off his pants with napkins. He got hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 033

You deserved it 11 942

Don't care

By grreeatttt - 31/01/2009 01:57 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I called him about two minutes after, and he'd already fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 385

You deserved it 35 211

By theguy24 - 27/01/2009 12:47 - United States

Today, I finally broke my two-year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 643

You deserved it 9 028

Mean girls

By Rothaar - 26/01/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I was at the gym and as I was pulling out my earphones and getting off my treadmill, I heard the girl behind me say to her friend on the treadmill next to her, "Wow, there have no cute guys today." Her friend replied, "None at all. It's like everyone suddenly got gay or ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 481

You deserved it 2 397

Whoops

By Teen - 24/01/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 148

You deserved it 3 020

By the-yao - 24/01/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 913

You deserved it 3 816

Bad omen

By IHateMyJob - 18/01/2009 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I received an email from my boss telling me how appreciated I was and how valuable I am to the company. I wish I hadn't scrolled down to read the included conversation where he asked his boss whether to lie to me about how good I was or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 539

You deserved it 2 071

Make the most of it

By Godmish - 02/01/2009 05:37 - France

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend, saying, "Do you remember the last time we slept together?" I replied straight away, "Of course, it was great!" To which she replies, "I hope you made the most of it, because it was the last time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 616

You deserved it 2 758

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 17:54 - France

Today, my sister and I heard a buzzing noise in our parents' bedroom, so we went to investigate. It was coming from a drawer, so we opened it. Inside, a battery-operated dildo was flapping around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 573

You deserved it 5 655

Another fine mess

By MikeMoosey - 30/12/2008 18:00 - United States

Today, while pumping gas, I stopped to think about what a failure my life is, and how badly I've treated people in my past. While deep in thought, I accidentally pulled the gas pump out too far and covered myself with gasoline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 553

You deserved it 25 463

It's not me

By LDF - 25/12/2008 10:30 - France

Today, I was sitting in a train when the old lady sitting next to me started staring at me. I asked her if she was OK, and she exclaimed, "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?" The entire train trip went like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 159

You deserved it 2 028

Cockblocked

By AudreyUs - 10/12/2008 19:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we were out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 785

You deserved it 18 518

Heimlich

By Macdaddy - 05/12/2008 12:49 - France

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 041

You deserved it 3 491

Doppelganger

By eleonor - 02/12/2008 04:57 - France

Today, I sent a text message to my boyfriend, saying, "Come over in an hour, I love you." An hour later, the doorbell rang. It was my ex, looking happy and still as smitten with me as before, with a bunch of roses. I'd got the wrong number. My ex and my boyfriend have the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 316

You deserved it 45 381

In vino veritas

By Buzz - 29/11/2008 16:11 - France

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, saying somewhat annoyed, "Don't drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 123

You deserved it 11 061

Bigmouth strikes again

By lovely-sweet - 27/11/2008 12:34 - France

Today, during lunch, I said, "It must be awful to realize that you've been cheated on." One of the guys present had just found out that he had been. I then try to correct my tactlessness by saying, "The worst must be when your wife leaves you for another woman." Which was also the case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 638

You deserved it 10 228

Sorry to burst your bubble

By William - 25/11/2008 04:27 - France

Today, we had the (great?) idea of having sex on a bean bag before my roomate got back home. Result: thousands of small polystyrene balls all over the living room. And no, they can't be picked up in 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 669

You deserved it 36 429

Early start

By KoNi - 21/11/2008 07:23 - France

Today, my 14-year-old sister asked me how I felt when I first had sexual intercourse. I told her it was personal and was none of her business. She then looked at me and said, "I thought it was nice." I'm 19 and I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 350

You deserved it 6 481

Awkward

By Lio - 12/11/2008 05:25 - France

Today, thinking I was being very generous, I lent my jacket to a new co-worker. I guess I should have checked my pockets before I did, I’m not sure that leaving 3 different flavors of condoms in them made a good impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 083

You deserved it 41 859

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I got fired from my part-time job, because I insisted on keeping my phone in my pocket and never using it, instead of putting it in locker without a lock or security camera, that anyone can go through. The manager found out by searching my locker for the past 3 weeks. Ironic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 558

You deserved it 2 394

Today, I was protesting a newly-opened gun store near my house, demanding safer streets and fewer firearms. My husband and the troglodytes he works with turned up and went inside to browse. Later, he raged at me for embarrassing him in front of his buddies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 529

Today, I had to hide some Oreos inside my bra to motivate my husband to get close to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 224

You deserved it 1 876

Toda, while I was on a Zoom interview for a potential new career, one of my family members screamed, "Well that's a kick in the dick!" It was so loud, the recruiter immediately told me to have a nice day and abruptly ended the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 154

Today, I woke up with a carpet burn. From sleeping. Alone. In my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 169

Today, I applied for my job, while working at my job. I hope they hire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 132

You deserved it 5 949