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Apd's favorite FMLs

By nutsucker - 08/03/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was, "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

agreeclassic 57 546

vote type 1 10 870

By squirty_joe - 08/03/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

agreeclassic 68 316

vote type 1 20 561

Surprise !

By kelsey - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They apparently thought it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

agreeclassic 65 650

vote type 1 5 099

By Noname - 08/03/2009 13:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother had his fiancée over to meet the whole family. We were having a great time with her, and my mother gushed to her that she was like the daughter she never had. I'm her daughter. FML

agreeclassic 64 355

vote type 1 3 018

By JP - 08/03/2009 09:14 - United States

Today, I was reading my girlfriend's girly magazine. There was an article stating that if a girl tells a guy his dick is the perfect size, she really means that it is too small. My girlfriend claims everything in the magazine is right. She told me my dick was the perfect size last weekend. FML

agreeclassic 73 762

vote type 1 8 670

jpshotstar app_comment_confession_title

jpshotstar 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 23:30

Yeah so the part of the story I had to leave out (due to the number of characters allowed) was that when I showed my girlfriend, she swore that she was telling the truth, and got really upset when I didn't believe her. So I told her i believed her. Anyway, FML for a few hours.