tjsqueak

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Tjsqueak's favorite FMLs

By offbeans - 17/02/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

agreeclassic 267 596

vote type 1 90 937

Run for the hills!

By kringr - 06/06/2011 00:52 - United States

Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML

agreeclassic 13 258

vote type 1 135 232

By 613tanner - 19/05/2011 05:30

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

agreeclassic 13 466

vote type 1 70 347

By Anonymous - 11/05/2011 14:33 - United States

Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML

agreeclassic 38 291

vote type 1 16 331

By Anonymous - 01/04/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

agreeclassic 28 752

vote type 1 36 387