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thor13_fml

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Thor13_fml's favorite FMLs

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because I'm in the military and I'm gone too much. The reason I enlisted in the first place is because we agreed that the money and benefits I would earn would help us be able to start a family in the future. FML

agreeclassic 46 370

vote type 1 4 067

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML

agreeclassic 33 304

vote type 1 5 637

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

agreeclassic 800

vote type 1 1 943