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    : 320



    Just another day

    Anonymous - 06/04/2025 09:00 - United States

    Today, I went to buy oat milk and got caught in an active shooter lockdown at the store. Oh, America, the only place where plant-based dairy is more accessible than mental healthcare. FML
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    Great presentation!

    Sarah - 08/04/2025 00:00 - Australia

    Today, I wore a new pair of heels to an interview. Halfway through, as they were showing me around the production floor, one of my heels snapped. I was forced to finish the interview wobbling on one heel like a drunk flamingo. I wasn’t offered the job, but they did say, “You have great balance.” FML
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    Injuries? In this economy?

    Olivia - 15/04/2025 03:00 - United States - Newark

    Today, after I finally got health insurance through my job, I had a minor injury leading to me discovering that my deductible is so high, I’d have to be struck by a meteor to get anything covered. FML
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    Bad timing

    Tracey - 25/04/2025 20:00 - United States - Austin

    Today, I was home alone, wearing my comfiest pajamas and watching Netflix, when I heard a knock at the door. I opened it to find my parents standing there. They had just driven four hours to surprise me. My hair was a mess, my face was bare, and I looked like a living disaster. "We just wanted to see how you’re doing!" they said. FML
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    Smooth

    Chad - 27/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Macon

    Today, I tried to flirt with the cute barista by pretending to know a lot about coffee. I said, “I’ll take a macchiato, extra creamy.” He smiled and said, “That’s… not a thing.” I panicked and said, “Neither is my love life.” FML
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    Underappreciated

    Anonymous - 29/04/2025 09:00 - Germany

    Today, I cook, clean, do laundry, wash the dishes, clean the bathroom, do grocery shopping, take the mental load for everything, take care of the kids, keep them engaged without screens, have a full-time job, do well at my job, and earn well - which I give to my husband fully. Only for him to ask me, "What do you even do here?" FML
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    Run for your life

    Anonymous - 01/05/2025 03:00 - United States

    Today, at work, we had a fire drill. I was the first to run out of the building, but in my haste, I tripped on the stairs, and rolled down the flight. When I got to the bottom, I tried to stand up, but my ankle was already swelling. What felt like the entire office watched as I limped to the designated meeting point. FML
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    Dribble drizzle

    Anonymous - 02/05/2025 22:00 - United States - Chicago

    Today, I took a quick nap in my car during my lunch break. When I woke up, I had drooled all over myself and had a large wet stain on my shirt. I tried to pretend it was a "sweat stain" but ended up walking into a meeting looking like I'd been caught in a downpour of my own making. FML
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    It's over

    Anonymous - 10/05/2025 00:00 - India

    Today, I took part in India’s giant emergency drill. I hid in a recycling bin for two hours straight. No one ever came to find me. It turns out the drill was only 20 minutes long. FML
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    Stuck

    Anonymous - 12/05/2025 02:00 - China - Shenzhen

    Today, I’ve been unemployed for a year since graduating. I haven’t been able to find a job or feel any joy in my life, and have been stuck at home, completely relying on my parents, but now they’re gonna kick me out. I’ve turned into a complete failure, I can’t even kill myself because I’m not brave enough. FML
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    Quiet despair

    Anonymous - 13/05/2025 15:00 - Australia

    Today, I got into an elevator with a really hunky guy. We exchanged polite greetings, then, for some reason, I tried to break the silence by saying, "Nice weather today, huh?" He nodded, but then I awkwardly continued, “Too bad we’re stuck in here.” He gave me a confused look as the doors opened right on cue. FML
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    Heavy load

    Anonymous - 18/05/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, my mom is mad at me because, at her insistence, I got a company to install a stairlift for her due to the pain in her legs, and after buying it and getting it installed, it turns out she’s too obese for it. It can carry me and Dad, but with her it just makes a grinding noise and refuses to move. FML
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    Go away now

    Anywhozit - 20/05/2025 13:00 - United States

    Today, after I tried to give a friend I had for ten years a second chance, after we had a bad falling out because it was "too much for her" that I had a life changing accident and was not upbeat about it, needless to say she has been obnoxious these past 6 months and I should not have let her selfish butt back in. FML
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    Little cuties

    DanielleinDC - 22/05/2025 08:00 - United States

    Today, I washed the comforter one of my nine-month-old kittens peed on last night. Just as soon as my boyfriend put it on the bed, she peed on it again. FML
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    Cruel and unusual

    unfair! - 24/05/2025 03:00 - United States - Miami

    Today, my brother threw his Switch across the room and broke it. Our parents decided that, "Video games are bad!" and took away my Switch, as well as my gaming PC that I built and paid for myself. FML
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    All road, no destination

    Anonymous - 27/05/2025 14:00 - United States - Santa Fe

    Today, after ten months of carpooling or borrowing my mom's car to get to work, and saving money, I finally have a brand new car. However, I have nowhere to go, besides work, and everyone I know is busy or lives out of state. FML
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    Call CPS?

    ToxicNeighbors - 31/05/2025 12:00 - Germany

    Today, my neighbour is a doctor and has a 2 year-old son. He has a stomach infection and has been crying non stop day and night for a week now. The woman is not taking him to the hospital or giving him medicines, because it's "just diarrhea" and will "go away." The crying is driving me mad. I can't sleep. FML
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    Dipshit

    Anonymous - 03/06/2025 15:00 - United States

    Today, some total dipshit at my workplace tripped over their own feet and split their knee open bad enough to need stitches, ruining our plant’s safety record and screwing us out of free pizza. The worst part is that the dipshit in question was me. FML
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    Animal island adventures

    Vlogfail - 07/06/2025 12:00 - Germany

    Today, I wanted to actively post and vlog my travels, so I started with my trip to an "Animal island" nearby. My first words on the vlog were, "Animal island is an island near the city which has animals." My husband literally rolf-ed hearing that. Why can't I speak normally!? FML
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    Rico Suave

    eww - 12/06/2025 20:00 - Czechia - Prague

    Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex, but every time he thrust into me, he farted. Loud, smelly, wet farts. After a minute, I shoved him off and demanded he take a dump. After a full five minutes of loud diarrhea, he came back to bed, his ass stinking of sewage. My pussy dried up so fast… FML
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    Small town

    Anonymous - 16/06/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, I took a date to a new restaurant I’d never been to before. Wish I had been because it turns out two of my ex-girlfriends work there as waitresses. Luckily they were amicable break-ups, but it was still hella awkward every time they brought stuff to the table. FML
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    Panic attack

    Anonymous - 17/06/2025 18:00 - United States

    Today, I was shopping when I got charged at by a really big dog, causing me to panic and fall. The store won’t do anything because the cunt of an owner lied and said it’s her “service dog.” FML
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    This could mean several places at the moment

    shlk - 19/06/2025 13:00 - United States - San Diego

    Today, the day after I bought a ticket to travel back home for the first time in a long while, I woke up and realized my country got attacked. FML
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    Fair and unbalanced

    Not Carrie Bradshaw - 23/06/2025 12:00 - United States - New York

    Today, I tried to be efficient by balancing my coffee, phone, and laptop on the subway. One wrong move later, I had coffee all over my laptop, my shoes, and a very unimpressed stranger’s coat. They gave me a look that said, “Why do you even exist?” FML
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    Well rested

    Anonymous - 27/06/2025 00:00 - Switzerland - Zurich

    Today, after a long airplane trip, I arrived at a hotel hoping to get some rest at last. At around 2 AM, my older daughter (13) suddenly got up to start yelling things while sleepwalking. My younger daughter (4) slept all night peacefully, but I realized she had forgotten to put on her nighttime diaper. FML
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    Experimental cuisine

    Anonymous - 28/06/2025 20:00 - United States

    Today, I packed my lunch meticulously: salad, sandwich, fruit. Then I put the entire thing in my backpack, on top of what turned out to be a leaky water bottle. By lunch, I was faced with eating a soggy mess of lettuce soup and bread mush. It was not great. FML
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    Sneaking about

    Anonymous - 30/06/2025 23:00 - Australia - Brisbane

    Today, after spending an exhausting amount of time trying to stay quiet so I didn’t wake my housemates, even to the point of catching the microwave before it went off, I dropped my bowl of food right in the middle of the hallway between the bedrooms with a loud clang. FML
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    This isn't relevant to my interests

    Alan Alda's Dog - 02/07/2025 09:00 - Canada - Montréal

    Today, I wanted to call my mom to ask for advice but called my boss instead. I panicked and ended up talking about weekend plans like nothing was wrong. She now knows way too much about my personal life. FML
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    One step at a time

    shengming - 06/07/2025 04:00 - China

    Today, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. Although I am very happy in a sense and feel that there is finally an explanation for the past, this issue is not conducive to my adjustment to society. FML
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    Bonkers

    Anonymous - 09/07/2025 05:00 - United States - Owensboro

    Today, my wife had a dream that I cheated on her with a girl from my work named Marie. She told me that she wants me to quit my job and get a new one, just to avoid that from ever actually happening. There is nobody named Marie at my job. FML
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    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, I found out that my 14-year-old son spent hundreds of dollars on what appears to be a misogynist multi-level marketing hustlers' website. How did he pay for this horseshit, and how did I found out? My PayPal account sent me emails, telling me that several purchases had been made, but too late for me stop them. FML
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    Today, I went to a bar which has two stories. I was on the top floor and then went downstairs. As I was going down, I recognised a boy in a wheelchair and his friends trying to get him up. I helped and took the wheelchair. One of his friends decided it would be a good moment to steal my wallet. FML
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    Today, my grandparents came over to visit. I'm still not sure if they came to see me or my dog. FML
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    Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML
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    Today, my kitchen nearly burned down because the fire alarm didn't detect the plumes of smoke wafting through the kitchen. This is the same alarm that wails when I use the toaster. FML
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    Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML
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