The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Cheeky

By anonymous - 20/11/2015 19:07 - United States

Today, my ex got arrested for stealing. His new girlfriend texted me asking if I could lend her money to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 432

You deserved it 1 975

By Silent - 03/12/2009 17:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 342

You deserved it 3 832

By Ihatemyjob - 24/04/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me that he didn’t want to promote me because my, “scores were too good.” He then told me that I would be getting twice as much work to do than my coworkers, without a raise. I work minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 194

By Anonymous - 24/06/2013 18:39 - Canada - Victoria

Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 923

You deserved it 5 041

I want what I want

By cydia123 - 10/05/2019 06:00

Today, my boss threatened to fire me. Why? An old lady spent 30 minutes looking at our menu before asking for "cottage pie." After telling her that it wasn't an item on the menu, she spent another 20 minutes deciding. She then asked for several more items we didn't have, then complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 421

You deserved it 118

And next on The Voice…

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 22:00

Today, I found out I have a bad singing voice. How? The choir judge decided to yell "STOP! Please just stop!" During my solo. In front of everyone. During the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 269

By fallen - 15/05/2017 16:00 - United States - Merion Station

Today, I came into work feeling good about myself and my upcoming plans. I left before noon with a box of my belongings and uncertainty about my future, having been suddenly laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 942

You deserved it 306

By Anonymous - 06/12/2016 20:14

Today, my boss yelled at me for leaving on time. After months of management hounding us about our overtime, I get in trouble for doing what I was supposed to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 947

You deserved it 535

By WakeUpToADream - 25/09/2015 20:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 298

You deserved it 1 984

Management

By FuckSteakNShake - 06/06/2017 16:00

Today, I was fired, all because I asked my manager for help on the line when we were short staffed and he was on his butt in the office. He said it wasn't his job to help us. Apparently, asking your manager for help when you're busy gets you fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 002

You deserved it 248

By walkingisfun - 02/07/2017 20:00

Today, the university bike permit that I'd ordered half a year ago finally arrived. Unfortunately, my bike was stolen months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 849

You deserved it 311

By NotBuyingATractor - 02/09/2015 02:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer service guy called to fix a problem I've been having with my phone. When it transpired that he couldn't help, he transferred me to another representative. This other representative ended up being a John Deere dealer in Michigan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 666

You deserved it 1 533

Shut up

By brad3720 - 14/04/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. A six year-old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were, he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 596

You deserved it 7 547

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 19:30 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 857

You deserved it 4 246

Sounds like a keeper, actually

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 17:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head back down and told me to keep going until he comes back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 1 877

The twins are out

By Rachael - 24/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I wondered why the cashiers at my local chip shop were being so unusually friendly and knocked money off my bill. Then when I got back to my boyfriend's house, I noticed my bright red bra shining through my black top like a light. I debuted my tits for some chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 591

Weird flex, but OK

By incestastic - 14/08/2010 23:23 - Canada

Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently, my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she's embarrassed of my real brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 501

You deserved it 3 069

By Anonymous - 08/10/2009 16:32 - United States

Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 248

You deserved it 37 178

By anonymous - 15/08/2016 03:35 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I received a birthday card from my dad, over a week late. It was addressed to me using my maiden name, the enclosed check also made out to me using my maiden name. I've been married for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 257

You deserved it 1 559

By woohoo420 - 04/04/2012 16:14 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 657

You deserved it 41 513

By lastinclass - 13/07/2016 21:28 - Canada - Vancouver

Today at camp, we were choosing teams for capture the flag. It's embarrassing to be chosen last, but today I learnt it's even more embarrassing to not be chosen at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 240

You deserved it 1 062

Congratulations. Or not.

By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 14:03

Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 2 117

Etymology

By Anonymous - 30/06/2016 21:11 - United States - Houston

Today, my sister asked me, while making a cup of green tea with honey, "I wonder why they call it honey?" I replied, "Probably some Greek or Latin word meaning 'to sweeten'." She stopped, turned and with a serious face asked, "Where exactly is Latin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 478

You deserved it 1 021

Very frustrating

By Anonymous - 18/01/2020 05:00

Today my Assistant Manager decided to pull a prank on me by walking up behind me and screaming my name. I screamed in terror and then swung around and punched him, full force, dead center in the chest, right in front of my supervisor, manager, and several other employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 456

You deserved it 277

Completely wet

By Anonymous - 27/02/2020 20:00

Today, I was drinking too much and I had to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I'd pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 2 080

Y'all need him!

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to tell my mom to stop sending pictures of Jesus to my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 856

You deserved it 3 533

By why?? - 24/05/2016 13:29 - United States

Today, I think I've finally gotten past the food poisoning that caused me to puke so violently that I pulled muscles in my abdomen and chest. Unfortunately, some of that vomit hung around long enough to give me a sinus infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 605

You deserved it 1 373

Bigger than...

By Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 548

You deserved it 542

By younggrammy - 20/08/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 252

You deserved it 45 536

By Anonymous - 18/05/2016 05:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat refuses to drink from any source of water that isn't the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 793

You deserved it 1 657

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I learned that when you have a banker and rental property manager for a dad, and a recently graduated business major for a boyfriend, the absolute worst thing you can do at family dinner night is suggest playing Monopoly. It was four hours of carnage I don’t think I can recover from FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 130

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 364

You deserved it 3 373

Today, my mother urged me to "get over this lesbian thing and give me some grandkids." In front of my girlfriend of eleven months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 066

You deserved it 13 132

Today, I realised that my flight back from Berlin was actually booked for the 29th of September instead of August. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 517

You deserved it 27 159

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 277

You deserved it 3 312

Today, my girlfriend firmly believes that wild Karens should be classed as vermin, as proven when we met a screaming Karen in Starbucks and my girlfriend jumped straight in there and kicked her ass until she stopped screaming. I'm now waiting to pick her up at the police station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 198