The Top

He and I both came from a bad back rounds. He turned some what out like his father. I've seen him him it women but never like beat them. We're as I turned out like my step dad.

By melikeyturtles - 02/11/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to break up with him since he's always busy, and I haven't seen or spoke to him in almost 2 months. I arrived to find out from his landlord that he'd moved out 3 weeks ago, leaving a note saying that we were over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 327

You deserved it 8 426

Funtime!

By kengu - 23/10/2011 21:02 - Norway

Today, I mopped all the floors in my house. When I was finally done, I accidentally knocked over an open bottle of soda. My cats took this as a perfect opportunity to chase each other around, step in the soda, and track sticky paw prints everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 655

You deserved it 7 136

By letmedienow - 11/10/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, after being admitted to the emergency room for severe abdominal pain, my boyfriend shouted out in front of my parents, "At least she isn't pregnant!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 610

You deserved it 3 426

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, at exactly midnight, I get a text from my boyfriend saying we were done. I had just seen him 4 hours ago when we were out celebrating my birthday, and asked why he didnt just tell me then. He replies 'I couldn't break up with you on your birthday but i wanted it to be over ASAP' FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 775

You deserved it 3 568

My eyes! My eyes!

By traumatized4life - 04/11/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 841

You deserved it 2 914

Booming

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 980

You deserved it 10 234

Work sucks

By Anonymous - 08/07/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, I'd just finished cleaning the bathrooms at work when I saw a young boy go in. Of course, I thought nothing of it until I had to use the bathroom myself ten minutes later. The kid had taken a shit and missed the toilet completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 431

You deserved it 2 648

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 19:54 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 049

You deserved it 3 550

By properpissed - 03/06/2014 15:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 444

You deserved it 10 171

Deception

By bobthenun - 20/03/2013 21:16 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived, I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 300

You deserved it 10 778

Bad friend

By collegegirl90 - 09/03/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty, because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 983

You deserved it 112 788

By Keastwood013 - 18/01/2013 15:25 - United States

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 809

You deserved it 4 171

By ManInTrouble - 16/03/2010 04:50 - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend of a year and a half on the beach. Everything was fine until she saw a plane with a banner behind it saying "Cassie, will you marry me?" She said yes. I didn't order a plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 711

You deserved it 4 536

Fooling around

By Anonymous - 16/07/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I thought it was a great idea to go off into a park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park. Meanwhile, a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 565

You deserved it 74 399

By ashleyyyy - 28/10/2011 15:59 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for going the wrong way on a closed highway. The construction signs pointed me in that direction, and the cop agreed that they should be fixed. Did it stop him from giving me a ticket anyway? Nope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 829

You deserved it 2 805

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 23:47 - United States

Today, I was trying to swat a wasp in my bedroom. I got so frustrated that I ended up punching myself in the face. The wasp is still here, and now I look like I've been in a brawl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 564

You deserved it 29 284

What's my age again?

By bullseyed - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year-old on a scooter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 676

You deserved it 36 864

By agentile - 02/12/2010 01:14 - United States

Today, my grandma was leaning over in front of me, vacuuming, while wearing a V-neck shirt. Out of instinct, I glanced at her chest. She's 75. I checked out my 75 year-old grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 649

You deserved it 60 516

By Karmaisabitch - 18/05/2012 06:07 - United States - Boulder

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 269

You deserved it 53 359

Feel the burn

By Slowsky - 09/05/2012 10:19 - United States - Claremont

Today, I was at the gym on the elliptical. Feeling proud of myself for finishing a very intense workout, I looked to my left to see that the maintenance guy fixing the machine next to me had burned more calories testing the machine than I did during my entire workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 593

You deserved it 5 585

Second class citizen

By crapped on - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 581

You deserved it 4 264

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out that I'm not my girlfriend's only boyfriend. The other guy sells shoes on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 135

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 603

You deserved it 4 602

Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 897

You deserved it 6 070

Today, despite my pain, my mom still refuses to take me to a foot doctor because, "They all have foot fetishes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 553

You deserved it 1 684

Today, my daughter is almost never included in activities my family has for their daughters. I’ve been told mine is “too wild” and “unladylike” because she likes being barefoot, climbing trees, and playing with animals. Meanwhile, they have their 10-12 year-olds in weaves, acrylics, makeup, and heels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 116

Today, I took my 5-year-old daughter to the play place at McDonald's but I had to keep her busy, instead of letting her play. A mom was teaching her 3-year-old daughter how to pole dance, using the play place's poles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 558

You deserved it 2 732