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You big fanny

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 17:57 - Germany - Hagen

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 437

You deserved it 31 308

By FMeRight? - 28/12/2015 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me in front of his whole family with the ring his mother had helped him pick out. Two hours later, I found emails of nudes from another women that had been sent to him a week prior, on his phone. Our flight for home leaves in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 941

You deserved it 1 658

By Mitcha857 - 30/07/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, I had my back waxed to deal with the uncontrollable hair growth. Afterwards, I broke out in numerous pimples where the hair used to be. Basically, a lose-lose situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 798

You deserved it 3 879

By lovedoesnotexist - 24/09/2015 11:52 - Belgium

Today, my long-term girlfriend broke up with me because my hair "falls out" and I "will definitely be bald soon", even though it's not that bad. The same girl who I supported through her chemotherapy and gave her promises that I would stay with her no matter how she looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 568

You deserved it 1 985

By coolcucumber - 10/09/2010 20:40 - United States

Today, my dad squirted water at me. Fortunately, I blocked it. Unfortunately, I blocked it with my new $200 camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 116

You deserved it 24 436

Smooth criminal

By Anonymous - 28/04/2012 01:55 - United States - Darien

Today, I was walking down the street, when a little old lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 685

You deserved it 2 586

Not that there's anything wrong with that

By notgay - 21/06/2015 06:04 - United States - Cranford

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 783

You deserved it 3 589

By wilsmith - 01/02/2010 12:36 - China

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 588

You deserved it 26 646

Spicy shit

By DMStarsky - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 902

You deserved it 4 827

By Kerry - 19/06/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, all my friends had a huge party and 'forgot' to invite me. They only remembered about me at 2 am when they called asking for rides home because they were all too drunk to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 131

You deserved it 2 622

Catty

By Tay Tay - 19/11/2010 13:55

Today, I got dumped after about a four year relationship. Feeling lonely and depressed, I posted on Facebook, "is hurt, someone please text or call me." Then one of my cousins commented, "No one text him." His comment got 17 "likes." No one got in contact with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 458

You deserved it 9 752

By yeahno - 31/10/2010 16:10 - United States

Today, I wore my high school letterman jacket while I was out shopping. A man saw me and muttered to his wife about how sad it is some adults can't grow up and continue to wear their high school paraphernalia, constantly trying to relive their senior year. I am a senior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 842

You deserved it 3 017

What the…?

By ohbiebjetaime - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - France

Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 371

You deserved it 3 364

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 04:37 - United States

Today, I had two 100's and two singles in my wallet. The two 100's was for my electric bill and the two singles were for the bus. Once I got off the bus and to the electric company, I noticed only my singles were there. Turns out I paid the bus driver $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 097

You deserved it 40 501

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I had my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 365

You deserved it 22 002

By -_- - 07/10/2015 11:29 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 982

You deserved it 32 490

By Anonymous - 13/04/2012 09:43 - Canada

Today, I went to pick a penny off of the ground for good luck. Someone kneed me in the butt, I fell face first and broke my glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 811

You deserved it 4 280

By ripdivine - 24/02/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 315

You deserved it 56 547

By itsEVERYWHERE - 08/03/2010 05:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 176

You deserved it 2 650

By Anon O'Mous - 02/01/2012 15:38 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower at the gym when hearing a loud popping noise. Surprised and startled, I jumped and slipped, hitting my head against the shower wall that left a small gash. The pop noise was just someone blowing bubbles from their gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 601

You deserved it 5 702

By Fran - 09/01/2010 08:40 - New Zealand

Today, I was awoken at 1:30 a.m. by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 542

You deserved it 3 374

By dmanrique - 04/10/2011 15:10 - United States

Today, my friend decided to jump out of a moving car. I had to explain to the nice old lady who stopped that my friend who was convulsing on the ground wasn't on drugs, he's just really stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 473

You deserved it 3 226

Slapstick manners

By jake - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were on a romantic dinner for two, I tried pulling out the chair for her. She fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 622

You deserved it 6 412

What am I doing?

By forever young - 05/07/2013 15:16 - United States

Today, I Googled "How to act like an adult." I'm 37. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 424

You deserved it 52 841

By rplovez - 05/09/2011 23:14 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 4 029

By PoorGal - 19/10/2015 18:04 - United States - New Orleans

Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 060

You deserved it 5 808

By llozano715 - 13/09/2010 05:41 - France

Today, I got the car of my dreams. My daughter also learned how to write her name. Now I have "LAUREN" across the side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 193

You deserved it 4 822

By shinee - 15/08/2010 16:05 - Singapore

Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 425

You deserved it 3 639

By booboo300 - 03/04/2014 22:16 - Canada - Kanata

Today, it's the last day of my sign language class. At the end of the class, my teacher surprised us by speaking for the first time, also surprising everyone that she wasn't actually deaf. It wouldn't have been so bad had I not just given someone an answer to the test, thinking she couldn't hear me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 983

You deserved it 52 457

booboo300 tells us more.

booboo300 15

Friday 4 April 2014 20:40

Definitely not going to defend myself, it was a dumb thing to do. Although, I did whisper, not shout, an answer just to get my friend on the right track. I totally respect my teacher and it was the kind of whisper that probably would have been tried in any class with a hearing teacher as well. She was a great teacher and I think I learned better that way. There is a mix of deaf and hearing asl teachers at my school, though. It was amazing though, because she didn't respond to phones going off, people sneezing, people walking in late (until she saw them) and even the people bashing asl and deaf people in the hall one day.

By TuralSucks - 11/03/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 271 584

You deserved it 17 984

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Today, I tried to do a TikTok dance and ended up knocking over a lamp and breaking it. It wasn't even my lamp. I now think I'm probably too old for current social media trendiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 1 050

Today, I’m going to school to become a therapist. Now anyone I tell that to, they now vomit their life stories to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 389

Today, I learned that my dad invested my entire college fund into some shady internet stock, despite my dire warnings about being careful. He told me not to worry as he'd done some research, and he guaranteed everything would be fine. Two hours later that same stock dropped almost 75%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 078

You deserved it 435

Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 276

You deserved it 2 565

Today, my friend's kid chased me with a rusty, sharp tent peg and threatened to kill me. When I finally got him to calm down he ran off to his room. Later, I found the tent peg under his pillow with a note that said my name. My friend thinks it's hilarious. I am staying here for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 486

You deserved it 2 493

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before, but they usually leave early. I heard someone in the kitchen and, thinking it was my brother, I said, "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma then responded, "No, we're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 502

You deserved it 74 297