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By honey soy - 29/01/2012 06:31 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was flying his toy helicopter at my head. It got stuck in my hair and I now have a bald patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 969

You deserved it 3 512

By hnickell93 - 10/12/2012 18:37 - United States - Visalia

Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than let him continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 892

You deserved it 12 881

By Alice99 - 12/11/2013 17:39 - United States - Bothell

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 010

You deserved it 4 028

Alice99_fml tells us more.

Alice99_fml 6

Wednesday 13 November 2013 3:04

I feel like my post didn't have enough information. No, my sister did not know we were together. I had not introduced him to my family yet. Yes, I did break up with him. No, I did not feel bad about it. Yes, my sister ended it with him after I told her what was going on.

By reallyupset - 29/11/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 028

You deserved it 3 551

I've known for ages

By Crap - 28/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 108

You deserved it 7 193

By wtfson - 13/12/2010 07:35

Today, I was driving my family home, when my 7 year old son had to pee. Having long since passed any rest stops, I made him use a bottle. Once he was done, he grenaded the bottle out the window, hitting someone's windshield dead on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 342

You deserved it 34 853

wtfson tells us more.

wtfson 0

Tuesday 14 December 2010 6:34

To everyone asking, how could I have possibly prepared for this? I can't just teach my son not to through pee bottles and other things out the window. That will give him ideas... But rest assured, no more "grenades" will be tossed :)

Technically

By nice one - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Today, I finally confronted my boyfriend and asked him if he was cheating on me. He got flustered and said, "Technically, I'm cheating with you, not on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 902

You deserved it 3 138

By ipayyourbillsgorramit - 24/08/2012 23:29 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 464

You deserved it 1 911

By InsomniacToBe - 19/07/2012 15:55 - United States - Saint George

Today, I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend had become a vicious serial killer and was hunting me down because I broke up with him. I don't know what scares me more: the way he hunted me in my sleep, or the fact that it wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 044

You deserved it 3 888

By Tal - 26/04/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I got kicked in the face at a soccer game. Everybody clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 678

You deserved it 9 515

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 11:29 - Turkey

Today, I was in my hotel room. I picked up an expensive wine from the mini fridge, just to see what it is. I heard a mechanical "bling". I was charged for it. Then, I tried to put it back, only to hear another "bling". I was charged twice for expensive wine that I won't even drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 737

You deserved it 10 956

By Anonymous - 16/04/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 699

You deserved it 7 428

By Username - 23/06/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, I got home to find my truck smashed by a fallen old tree. I was going to have the tree removed next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 832

You deserved it 5 952

Rules are meant to be broken

By hospitalflunky - 28/03/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the allotted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me, "Rules are rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 292

You deserved it 7 393

By b. - 24/09/2009 10:06 - Australia

Today, I was going shopping with a friend. I got up to get off the train and landed on my ass. Not only had I walked into the metal bar, I'd broken my $800 glasses, and the train doors had closed, with my friend on the other side of the doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 152

You deserved it 10 877

For whom the bell tolls

By Christina - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 881

You deserved it 50 538

By Sadness - 07/10/2013 18:55 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I have been home sick and depressed for so long that I just found Oreo crumbs in my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 801

You deserved it 17 544

Bat out of hell

By goodeyesight - 11/10/2012 14:02 - Brazil - Sào Paulo

Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 373

You deserved it 31 770

Romance is corny

By ipopnlok - 29/06/2009 06:31 - Australia

Today, I planned a romantic dinner with rose petals, the whole lot, for my ex-girlfriend to win her back. When I took her to my house, I told her to guess what I had planned, to which she replied, "I hope it's not a stupid romantic dinner with rose petals and shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 037

You deserved it 15 051

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 16:17 - Canada

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 692

You deserved it 11 285

By EMT_Koulianos - 25/05/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 151

You deserved it 4 097

Nair do well

By muffin - 10/05/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I wanted to look really good for my date. I was a little self-conscious, so I decided to use Nair on my upper lip just in case I had a female mustache. Unfortunately, it turns out I'm allergic to Nair. Now I DO have a mustache. A rash mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 019

You deserved it 16 623

By Non-active - 25/09/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, we got our progress reports. My physics teacher wrote that I don't participate in class. My mom got mad and grounded me before I could tell her that I raise my hand in class all the time but my teacher won't call on me cause he can't pronounce my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 322

You deserved it 3 282

By mr.palendrome - 06/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 455

You deserved it 28 114

By Anonymous - 11/03/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I was applying some acne ointment. The directions said, "Apply a thin layer, covering the entire affected area." In other words, for me: My entire face. Lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 444

You deserved it 4 225

By Anonymous - 03/01/2012 19:22 - United States

Today, as I was driving in reverse, I hit my boyfriend's mom's car. I met her for the first time while giving her my information. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 972

You deserved it 7 920

By jakeson12 - 24/11/2012 00:38 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 977

You deserved it 3 546

By EastOneTen - 06/10/2012 07:28 - United States

Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 333

You deserved it 3 539

By raesos91 - 18/09/2012 11:56 - United States - Houston

Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roommate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 855

You deserved it 2 835

My favorite letter is L

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 8 year-old niece and I were arguing over how many letters were in the alphabet. Guess who was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 111

You deserved it 51 307

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend took a selfie of us. When he turned his phone around, I saw his photos and there was a picture of him with his ex girlfriend earlier that day, despite him saying he had been at work all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 124

Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 823

You deserved it 19 270

Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 944

You deserved it 2 445

Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 327

You deserved it 67 561

Today, my parents and I went out to lunch with my grandma, where my mom proceeded to tell my grandma the same five or six stories she always tells her. My grandma does not have dementia or Alzheimer's. NOBODY in my family does. I, however, have great exasperation from wanting to hear something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 116

Today, this hot girl sent me a friend request. I accepted it and began to chat her up. She asked me if I was single. I told her I was, and proceeded to arrange a date for some drinks. Moments later, my wife sends me a screenshot of my conversation with the girl, with the caption, “Pack your shit and get the fuck out.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 2 712