New year's day, Wanker and Intimacy: Wanking in the New Year - FML

Wanking in the New Year

By Lonesome - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bossier City

Spicy

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

agreeclassic 54 830

vote type 1 13 325

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

junkman6 22

Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:31

Life's all about having goals right?

Llamacod 11

Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:31

The best way to start out any New Years is with an ******

Comments

Enslaved 36

Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:37

3,2,1-- Your own way to Pop Champagne?

gracehi 31

Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:40

Good idea, but trust me: It's a lot more fun with a friend. ;)

domolovesyoshi 33

Wednesday 1 January 2014 23:45

he said he didn't have any, this FML is about how lonely he is.

SWC_Penguin 17

Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:40

Careful. You'll develop a fetish for countdowns. Before you know it you'll be sneaking into rocket launch control rooms. It's not too late to save yourself.

adam3650 12

Wednesday 1 January 2014 19:02

Imagine the chaos that would ensue if he watched the show countdown.

arandomusernameaa 20

Thursday 2 January 2014 1:51

his dick would look like a wrinkly Patrick (from spongebob) by the end of the show...

jloko16 11

Thursday 2 January 2014 19:48

He will start masturbating to the countdown of his microwave

angelitared 27

Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:42

New year. Change your life!

perdix 29

Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:45

So? How close did you cum? To the stroke of midnight, that is. I guess your auld acquaintances have been forgot.

Nickb55 16

Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:46

Those are all New Years Babies!

julia2750 11

Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:46

Did you succeed?

beaverteaser 16

Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:49

that's a good way to ring in the new year

AnonymousUsers 14

Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:58

Did it work?

CrazyMelvin 14

Wednesday 1 January 2014 19:11

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

SweetasCandy0609 28

Wednesday 1 January 2014 20:12

#24 what are you 12? I see nothing gross about pleasing yourself, if you don't know how to please yourself then how do you expect anyone else to be able to.

twelve_oh_seven 11

Thursday 2 January 2014 0:05

I agree with 46

speakersboom 19

Thursday 2 January 2014 0:06

It's... creative...

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, my boyfriend “accidentally” spilled a cup of hot tea on my lap at the dinner table. I had to get treated for second degree burns, because the skin on my lap was heavily saturated with the stuff. Apparently, he’s still mad at me for buying a male coworker a present for his birthday. FML

agreeclassic 643

vote type 1 100

Today, the couple downstairs decided they wanted to try a home birth. FML

agreeclassic 47 790

vote type 1 4 321

Today, I collected a package from a handsome UPS guy. We exchanged smiles, and he even noticeably checked me out. I was feeling really confident for the first time in a while. Then I went inside and saw that I had two huge breastmilk spots on my chest. FML

agreeclassic 48 596

vote type 1 7 929

Today, we ran out of disposable gloves at work. After saying how grossed out I was about having to touch raw chicken with my bare hands, my female boss goes, "Just imagine you're touching yourself. That's what I do." Even more grossed out now. FML

agreeclassic 15 486

vote type 1 1 568

Today, my son broke up with his girlfriend. When I asked why, he said, "Because I found out she's adopted. Ugh. I just can't with that, y'know?" Never before have I ever felt the desire to disown one of my kids. It's not a pleasant feeling. FML

agreeclassic 1 274

vote type 1 170

Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML

agreeclassic 12 937

vote type 1 63 665