Health: Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able...

By Anonymous - 29/04/2016 17:11 - United States - Ames

Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able to take a solid crap. FML

agreeclassic 13 470

vote type 1 1 783

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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By Anonymous - 19/05/2011 03:48 - United States

Today, for the first time all month I felt truly proud and accomplished. I finally figured out how to change the toilet seat. FML

agreeclassic 12 898

vote type 1 24 120

Getting on

By Anonymous - 23/06/2020 17:01

Today, I’m at the stage of my life where a normal bowel movement is practically a cause for celebration. FML

agreeclassic 1 453

vote type 1 160

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 32 807

vote type 1 3 070

You need more fiber

By Anonymous - 30/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML

agreeclassic 431

vote type 1 116

By 092492 - 05/03/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML

agreeclassic 35 555

vote type 1 3 997

By Poopie - 29/01/2011 06:06 - Canada

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

agreeclassic 28 237

vote type 1 3 223

Ouch

By sadface - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

agreeclassic 31 798

vote type 1 7 511

By wtf - 09/06/2011 15:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

agreeclassic 42 633

vote type 1 17 985

Rolling thunder

By Dana - 21/11/2025 00:00

Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML

agreeclassic 176

vote type 1 322

By Anonymous - 01/06/2016 11:05 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML

agreeclassic 10 526

vote type 1 869

sciencebitches 11

Saturday 30 April 2016 8:56

It's the small moments in life that really count...

smallandroid 26

Saturday 30 April 2016 8:46

Congratulations!

Comments

sadmofo12345 15

Monday 2 May 2016 17:01

You were in a dire-ea situation?

sidpool912 14

Monday 2 May 2016 23:51

sounds like shit got real

Talented73 54

Tuesday 25 October 2016 18:42

Rectum? It damn near killed 'um!

BlueJay76 9

Monday 12 June 2017 4:07

That ***** orgasmic!

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I accidentally sent a screenshot of a conversation with my best friend, where we were making fun of my mum’s new haircut, to my mum. She responded with, “Well, at least my haircut can change. What are you going to do about your face?” FML

agreeclassic 51

vote type 1 852

Today, I had such an intense stomach ache I couldn’t even stand up. I ended up shitting my pants. I’m 13. FML

agreeclassic 569

vote type 1 140

Today, my husband suggested we start making pornos online to make ends meet. I told him, “You bust so quickly, it’ll have to be a TikTok.” He’s been pouting all day. FML

agreeclassic 1 263

vote type 1 461

Today, my dad planned his wedding to his mistress for literally the day after his divorce from my mom becomes final. My dad says he’ll be devastated if I don’t go, while my mother will feel betrayed if I do. I’m not sure who to hurt. FML

agreeclassic 2 344

vote type 1 148

Today, my boyfriend said that to be extra careful he's been taking my birth control pills too. FML

agreeclassic 67 152

vote type 1 8 144

Today, my doctor called with my test results, which seem to tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm still sitting here with an appendage that I'd swear was dispensing napalm, but now I have a $500 bill to go with it. FML

agreeclassic 23 462

vote type 1 2 154