Kids: Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them...

By TiredMum - 16/10/2013 13:33 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

agreeclassic 52 140

vote type 1 7 109

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 16:17 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

agreeclassic 26 405

vote type 1 3 366

By I hate children - 18/08/2014 12:10 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML

agreeclassic 46 207

vote type 1 5 172

Masters of mischief

By Anonymous - 18/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Salem

Today, my 4-year-old twin sons discovered how to lock doors. They locked me out of the house while I was taking out the trash. I had to climb through the kitchen window, which they'd generously smeared with peanut butter. FML

agreeclassic 444

vote type 1 156

Goals!

By faitesdesgosses - 19/05/2014 14:27 - France - Mantes-la-ville

Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML

agreeclassic 48 205

vote type 1 7 137

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

agreeclassic 58 491

vote type 1 9 876

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML

agreeclassic 35 470

vote type 1 5 213

By ScaredDad - 02/05/2019 12:00

Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML

agreeclassic 1 879

vote type 1 259

Back to square one

By Anonymous - 05/05/2009 03:39 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my neighbors. Their 5 year-old had finally fallen asleep at 11 after two hours of stories and songs. No sooner had I tiptoed out of the room did I realize that my phone had dropped out of my pocket onto the bed. It was ringing. It was their mother checking in. FML

agreeclassic 47 251

vote type 1 7 737

By pigtails - 16/01/2013 12:21 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

agreeclassic 31 429

vote type 1 3 243

By emergencyroom - 15/03/2014 12:21 - United States - Parkton

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

agreeclassic 51 481

vote type 1 9 399

BellaBear90 27

Wednesday 16 October 2013 18:49

Smart cookies :)

pam241 15

Wednesday 16 October 2013 18:49

Genius kids you got there

Comments

dumpless 13

Monday 24 February 2014 4:35

That's the way the cookie crumbles

james0003 3

Saturday 14 June 2014 19:29

At least your kids are smart, evil genius is still genius

daemonsparta 16

Wednesday 6 May 2015 19:53

theyll go places they're smart and crafty

fantasyworld 37

Thursday 30 July 2015 22:45

They're crafty.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML

agreeclassic 31 672

vote type 1 2 734

Today, at work, after a visit to the bathroom, the lock broke in my hand and the door was jammed. I called the janitor on my cellphone and told him about the situation. He told me to fill out a complaint and leave it in his post box. He then hung up. FML

agreeclassic 31 310

vote type 1 2 792

Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

agreeclassic 31 974

vote type 1 5 830

Today, I was expecting a package from Amazon, so when the doorbell rang I rushed out in my pajamas. It wasn't the delivery guy. It was my ex and her new boyfriend, here to drop off some of my old stuff. I'd answered the door wearing an anime onesie. FML

agreeclassic 210

vote type 1 541

Today, I came home from work to find my computer smashed into a hundred pieces. My dad threw it at my mom because they were having a fight and my computer was the closest thing to throw. He refuses to fix it. FML

agreeclassic 47 948

vote type 1 3 190

Today, my teacher marked a test question wrong, even though I was sure I got it right, so I went online to check. I found a government-approved website showing proof that my answer was correct. My teacher still counted it wrong, because, "We follow the book." That book's older than I am. FML

agreeclassic 15 872

vote type 1 897

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Masters of mischief

Goals!

Back to square one

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