Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first...

By single - 10/11/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

agreeclassic 44 463

vote type 1 7 626

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By thanks, fuckface - 16/11/2012 19:42 - United States - Parachute

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

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By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

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By Anonymous - 21/09/2011 13:17 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

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By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

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By -_- - 13/08/2011 00:05 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 18:02 - Australia - Wembley

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML

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Nomnom

By wow babe - 19/11/2012 17:46 - United States - Arnold

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

agreeclassic 39 117

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By Wawawiwa - 21/07/2010 23:44 - Namibia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

agreeclassic 28 853

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HentaiBunny 4

Wednesday 10 November 2010 9:03

You should have replied with 'Did you want to enter the fiery pits of mordor?' And then spread em ;D

rawr_dani 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 8:56

o_____o

Comments

cleinaar 0

Thursday 11 November 2010 12:56

hahaha!!!!

Tylermark 0

Thursday 11 November 2010 15:29

What a badass ;)

NickoMazingxx 0

Thursday 11 November 2010 15:30

Bahahaha BEAST.

Moo_Horse 0

Friday 12 November 2010 0:13

epic boyfriend!!!!!!! lucky

kittiekrispies 0

Friday 12 November 2010 0:59

I just laughed my ass off

israelnotjacob 20

Friday 12 November 2010 2:38

LOL this is so dam funny. Feel sorry for your boyfriend though, because obviously you have no sense of humor. Not an FML. Get over it.

nidawi 0

Friday 12 November 2010 7:43

ydi for dating a guy you met a comic-con.

nidawi 0

Friday 12 November 2010 7:47

I meant at, not a. oh,and did you break up with him because off his little gollum fetish? your relationship status says single..

angel55033 12

Friday 12 November 2010 9:02

who's gollum

gvelite 0

Friday 12 November 2010 19:13

that's just a little bit creepy!

SillyThings 0

Friday 12 November 2010 23:07

omg that's damn creepy

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