Kids: Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow.... - FML

By DrtySnchez - 18/08/2013 09:37 - United States - Statham

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

agreeclassic 58 000

vote type 1 3 656

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Today, after my father in law upset my 6-year-old son by telling him creating a world in Minecraft is a sin, because only god is allowed to create worlds so all Minecraft players will burn in hell one day, it's been 5 days since he's slept right because he’s scared the Devil will burn him if he falls asleep. FML

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By I don't know, son - 16/11/2013 01:53 - Canada - Toronto

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Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

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By mommiedearest - 24/12/2015 16:06 - United States - Columbia

Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

asoep 4

Sunday 18 August 2013 19:36

run, run far away

Trivision 10

Sunday 18 August 2013 19:38

Oh no, not another Paranormal Activity! This will be like, what? 27?

Comments

pokerpoker_fml 15

Monday 19 August 2013 4:37

Call madame foster!

LadyTiz 8

Monday 19 August 2013 5:18

Call an exorcist

BauerMegan 31

Monday 19 August 2013 5:59

This is petrifying. Absolutely petrifying! D:

Tressa1982 18

Monday 19 August 2013 5:59

scary! my son's five

BauerMegan 31

Monday 19 August 2013 6:01

... & really? Dirty Sanchez?

Ducreaux 7

Monday 19 August 2013 7:00

Your son is the next Ted Bundy

fabforever 10

Monday 19 August 2013 7:38

No..no..no just NOOOO

BrimfullOfAsher 20

Monday 19 August 2013 7:57

How did that particular sperm win the race?

jutyjaty 9

Monday 19 August 2013 8:01

Take your sun to a doctor. If its bad you'll know if its harmless you'll know

kthsdm 12

Monday 19 August 2013 8:12

the dark passenger. The making of Dexter Morgan

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for sneezing too many times during Game of Thrones. FML

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Today, my 14-year-old sister asked me how I felt when I first had sexual intercourse. I told her it was personal and was none of her business. She then looked at me and said, "I thought it was nice." I'm 19 and I'm still a virgin. FML

agreeclassic 54 350

vote type 1 6 481

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend and I asked her to give me her phone to make a call since mine was dead. A text came in from someone and the name sounded familiar. My best friend has been dating my girlfriend longer than I have, and she gave him head. I kissed her earlier that day. FML

agreeclassic 28 032

vote type 1 3 274

Today, while picking up one of my older kids from school, I started talking to another parent. He commented that it had been quite a year in the kindergarten, because every day his kids come home telling stories about two girls, Hannah and Pi, and all the things they did that day. Hannah is my daughter, Pi is her nickname. FML

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vote type 1 212

Today, I realized I’m always being told how “amazing” I am, yet no guy wants to choose me. I’m that girl who is always overlooked and friend-zoned. I have so much love to give yet I never get any of it in return. I guess I should adopt lots of cats and write off guys forever. FML

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Today, I posted a blurb on Twitter about why I couldn’t watch tonight’s episode of my favorite show until 3 hours after it airs. Apparently, tonight’s episode had a plot twist 7 years in the making. Everyone spoiled it for me. FML

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vote type 1 2 123