Animals Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when... - FML

Anonymous - 03/03/2013 14:40 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

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St. Patrick's Day: Shamrocks and Tribulations
Green anecdotes of jealousy, full of shamrocks and pints, for a memorable St. Patrick's Day! …

You're welcome…

craphanded - - United Kingdom

Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML

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Snap!

wheelchairgirl - 16/12/2016 01:21 - Denmark

Today, I was watching a beautiful flock of birds flying overhead while walking in the street. The guy next to me was lucky enough to catch bird poop with his forehead. I was lucky enough to get distracted by it, trip, and break my ankle. FML

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mhmohyeah - 10/11/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML

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Anonymous - 13/11/2012 23:17 - United States - Killington

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

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The chase

Paula - 05/11/2024 12:00 - Canada

Today, I went for a "relaxing" walk on a local trail. I got chased by an angry goose halfway back to my car. Apparently, it didn’t appreciate my "peaceful" attempt to take a selfie with it. FML

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Shooting!

WittyMoron - 08/01/2020 01:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was out shooting pigeons with my brother. I decided to climb a tree to get a better view of where they were flying in from. As I perched on a branch and surveyed the skies, my idiot brother mistook me for a pigeon and shot me in the leg. FML

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bouda - 15/05/2011 18:19 - France

Today, I killed a pigeon. It choked to death on a piece of bread I threw its way. FML

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Look at that

That escalated quickly - 24/06/2015 19:45 - United States - Ocean City

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

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I don't dare look

TerribleAim - 12/10/2022 00:01

Today, I was trying to scare a squirrel away from my bird feeder. It was on my privacy fence, so I picked up a rock just to throw at the fence to startle it. I hit the squirrel in the head and he fell off on the other side. I don't know if he's okay or not. FML

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Alas, poor Kermit

traumatizedforlife - 05/08/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML

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TiggityTony 5

Sunday 3 March 2013 18:58

Fatality.

gc327072 30

Sunday 3 March 2013 18:59

Quietly bring it home and make an epic turkey breast sandwich!

DorkAlert 10

Tuesday 16 April 2013 10:38

Dem some good eatin

boverboots 11

Tuesday 23 April 2013 16:07

opps

Vilsitior_93 12

Saturday 27 April 2013 20:16

Animality

SinfulEnd 20

Monday 13 May 2013 13:13

Was it turkey season?

jboy66645 8

Wednesday 5 June 2013 23:30

PETA gonna kill u

azhang1066 12

Friday 21 June 2013 2:21

At least you get a free turkey to enjoy. And you know it was fresh.

Adree 15

Sunday 7 July 2013 21:57

Why are turkeys just walking aroun in the park?

Battleking142 11

Saturday 24 August 2013 10:29

The new way to hunt turkeys apparently.

BLUEBARON 5

Friday 30 August 2013 17:27

dude, bring it home and tell your family or girlfriend you killed it for dinner. you will look like a badass.

jixiekat 14

Saturday 14 September 2013 0:14

you should never kick an animal you deserved it animal abuser

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, yet another guy friend-zoned me for being overweight when I asked him to hang out. I have Hashimoto's disease and it’s really hard for me to lose weight. I eat decently and take 20 minute walks daily. I wish I could go to an island where less superficial jerks lived so I can have a chance at love. FML

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Today, I decided to act on my therapist's advice and ask my crush out. She turned me down because I'm apparently too much of a downer. The reason I have a therapist is because I'm depressed. FML

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Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML

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Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

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Today, my dad is in the hospital for heart failure. Almost every single one of my aunts, uncles, and cousins have managed to find a way to make it about themselves for attention. FML

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Today, I arrived right on time for my train. Only problem, it was the wrong station. FML

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