Intimacy: Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that...

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 19:18 - United States

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

agreeclassic 11 751

vote type 1 37 995

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By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

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By Evil_Egbert - 12/02/2009 11:54 - Netherlands

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

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By FutureMarine3658 - 08/08/2012 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelled my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/07/2012 17:01 - United States - South Gate

Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML

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By morethanredhands - 21/05/2012 05:56

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

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By Gracie - 20/05/2025 12:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, at the gym, I caught sight of myself in the mirror while lifting weights and thought, “Damn, I look good!” I smiled. Then I realized the mirror was actually a window. A group of people outside had been watching me flex with a shit-eating grin on my face for God know how long. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/04/2013 19:53 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

agreeclassic 37 276

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By crier - 27/08/2013 18:34 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

agreeclassic 50 638

vote type 1 12 475

Wanker!

By EmbarrassedBather - 09/06/2019 00:00

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

agreeclassic 2 089

vote type 1 391

bnutts 4

Saturday 25 February 2012 1:45

Well. Use your other arm, problem solved.

kcTheGreat 2

Saturday 25 February 2012 1:45

Wow..if you can actually see a difference it's time to get a girlfriend or at least a hobby..

Comments

mojo87 14

Saturday 25 February 2012 14:16

Looks like someone has been watching too much Family Guy...

freshx_fml 6

Saturday 25 February 2012 14:45

Sinner

Dracoboxer357 35

Saturday 25 February 2012 17:55

Judger. :p

yourlove13 0

Saturday 25 February 2012 14:59

congratulations on that,op! you should be proud.

Madcatstolper 1

Saturday 25 February 2012 16:22

someone has been watching Family Guy.

nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2

Saturday 25 February 2012 17:14

So you tell everyone that you play tennis. Just tennis.

straetmansp 3

Saturday 25 February 2012 20:12

Miss michigan will always b there for u

Elendil_fml 10

Saturday 25 February 2012 20:40

That's why I switch hands during jerk offs.

needsagf14 12

Saturday 25 February 2012 22:19

I'm gonna go. Get the [points with giant arm] paper.

eddystoner15 4

Saturday 25 February 2012 22:26

Gotta switch

mim777 4

Saturday 25 February 2012 22:32

how

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Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

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Today, I was caught doing it with my boyfriend in a car because we wanted to have privacy from my family. I'm a grown adult with my own home. FML

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Today, I drove from Seattle, WA to Vancouver, BC for the Three Days Grace concert. I was so excited when I found the building. There was a big readerboard that flashed "THREE DAYS GRACE" and I cheered. Then it flashed "CANCELLED." FML

agreeclassic 36 005

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Today, after weeks of oral pain and hundreds of dollars in dentistry fees, we found the culprit: a popcorn kernel that floss was unable to remove. FML

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Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML

agreeclassic 41 902

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Today, I was driving in my very own car that I bought and paid for myself, when I stopped at a stop light. Then I noticed the truck in front of me turn on his reverse lights. I honked desperately. He hits me, looks out the window and says, "I see no damage" and drives away. FML

agreeclassic 62 479

vote type 1 3 754

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