Miscellaneous: Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked...

By um... what the fuck, miss? - 02/08/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

agreeclassic 62 825

vote type 1 6 148

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By Anonymous - 26/06/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

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By speechless - 01/06/2013 00:50 - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML

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By beckbm23 - 21/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

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Thanks for sharing

By uni life - 15/05/2012 08:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

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By Anonymous - 09/06/2013 14:29 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

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By yournick - 31/01/2011 21:23 - Canada

Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML

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By the_captain - 23/06/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

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By grannysmack - 11/07/2009 09:10 - United States

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

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Helper Blues

By Fat and Embarrassed - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

agreeclassic 13 226

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Thanks, I guess…

By unsatisfied - 09/03/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

agreeclassic 60 395

vote type 1 4 440

AllegroRubato 16

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Veteran of a thousand wars.

JoeGrant 12

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Well clearly she's no stranger to home made pickles...

Comments

emilie_gambii 9

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:36

Mmhmm salad suuuure

Ambient25 24

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:37

I guess some people don't understand the subtleties of tossing a salad....giggity

football98_fml 20

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:39

you shudve told her i prefer to use cactus

30361 10

Saturday 3 August 2013 2:50

*Should've, Really?

adam3650 12

Saturday 3 August 2013 2:55

To be fair, i think should've is the least of your worries with that statement.

laden_swallow09 34

Saturday 3 August 2013 6:34

16- Why? Seriously, why? It wouldn't have made it any less embarrassing, just more stupid.

SizzlePink 4

Wednesday 18 September 2013 4:52

it would bring laughter into the situation duhh

TylerBurden 21

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:39

What a nice advice! Creepy old cucumber lady.

amy6703 6

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:39

You should have held up a bottle of ranch dressing and gave her a thumbs up

Darren22 12

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:39

at least she knows what she' s doing ;-)

tacojauns 45

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:41

What? isnt lubing up the cucumber while cutting it going to make it easier for you to get hurt? oh OH

NoDontKillMe 19

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:46

Suuuuureee...

kasmol 16

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:46

I don't remember Dear Abby ever being that helpful.

Wolstenholme 11

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:47

I've seen lots of epic grandmothers on this website, but this is one of the epicest.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Helper Blues

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