Animals: Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles,...

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

agreeclassic 26 409

vote type 1 12 882

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By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:52 - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

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By Mojosahomo - 10/01/2018 17:30 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

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By olive_costume - 05/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

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By Katie - 20/02/2011 08:35 - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

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By Kira - 24/04/2015 17:09 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I was spending some time alone out in the countryside, when I glanced at my boot. I saw a snake, screamed, ran like hell for my car, tripped over my own feet, and smashed my kneecaps. Upon further inspection, I realized the "snake" was my loose shoelace. FML

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By KittyNeko - 28/12/2009 06:26 - United States

Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML

agreeclassic 28 090

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By Hannah - 04/03/2012 20:46 - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

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I'm Jim Morrison, I'm Dead

By lizardhater - 12/03/2020 22:09 - Singapore

Today, a lizard got caught in some loose duct tape in my office. A perk of working alone, I get to clean up. Lizards scare the Bejeezus out of me. FML

agreeclassic 1 199

vote type 1 280

Sneeeeek!

By blindsparrow - 18/11/2014 05:35 - United States - Dublin

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

agreeclassic 36 408

vote type 1 2 950

JenDanielle917 13

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:05

What? He wasn't turned on? You sure?

indistructo 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

I'm sure that you both enjoyed ;) hey maybe it'll lead to something more

Comments

swgmimi12 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:05

first

Friaza 29

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Is this the guy from that new youtube show who's building a reptile zoo? :D

loveexgirl 15

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Wrong

JenDanielle917 13

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:05

What? He wasn't turned on? You sure?

Keyman1212 14

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

Friaza 29

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:12

I'm pretty sure he didn't mind.

FFPulley 9

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:14

Then he put his snake in your secret garden?

Jaimegirl 7

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:19

Well then the reptiles weren't the only things you showed off. Haha

Zya_fml 8

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:24

Well your goal was to impress him...I'm sure that worked.

chellexx 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:28

8I rather like second base... I think I'd like it at least a little bit :)

Primal 1

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:34

Sounds like a bit of a coincidence to me....girl loves guy, guy loves reptiles and girls, girl drops reptile down boobs... What more could he want?

ItsTheKing 10

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:52

Sounds like the beginning of a great porno.

indistructo 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

I'm sure that you both enjoyed ;) hey maybe it'll lead to something more

NoahStaz 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:39

Obviously he enjoyed it. He loves reptiles! I wonder what he feels about fish...

purplecowchik 5

Wednesday 31 August 2011 1:05

Why is this an FML? It worked, you got to 2nd base already! ;-)

iampetard 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

Im sure he enjoyed it and si did you

MizzErikaHart 8

Wednesday 31 August 2011 1:04

For real. "like omg the lizard fell in my boobs... Omg help me get him out of my shirt!"

bloodmonk115 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

He'll call

Iwashere12345 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

care to explain why you couldn't get a lizard out of your shirt on your own?

alliewillie 22

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:13

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

rebekahah 7

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Well I don't see what's wrong, he was probably impressed. ;)

crinx034 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:36

What if she had small tata's? What then??

NNiiKKiiEE 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

I don't see how your life sucks, though. This probably raises your chances of a relation/**** buddy ship

merc302 1

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

I don't see the problem....

sunrise1234 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:59

She was probably just embarrasses that she had to have him help her get it out.

SmittyJA24 26

Wednesday 31 August 2011 1:03

This is a "FML".... how??? I don't get it.

lindseyluvszac 4

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Sounds like the beginning of a porno I like

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Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

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vote type 1 53 302

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agreeclassic 16 332

vote type 1 39 952

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