Intimacy: Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship... - FML

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

agreeclassic 27 543

vote type 1 5 810

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Hey human, I'm right here

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Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML

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By Jack - 10/01/2016 02:07 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

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Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

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By CatLover<3 - 18/06/2013 23:27 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

Calen5556 0

Monday 30 January 2012 1:30

I'm not sure if "intimate" is the best word choice to describe your relationship with your cat

klimp 0

Monday 30 January 2012 1:30

That is incredibly disturbing. Do you lick that pussy?

Comments

ThecomingofTan 9

Monday 30 January 2012 2:52

Yeah your cat, huh? I think you left out the part about your blow up dolls. Are you just going to omit them now, you heartless bastard? Don't act like it doesn't count.

Devin91 20

Monday 30 January 2012 2:55

Time to get some pussy!

Burrito_Time 5

Monday 30 January 2012 3:02

Buy another cat for a three some!!! Yea buddy

husky22 0

Monday 30 January 2012 3:06

Get a dog?

lexif96 0

Monday 30 January 2012 3:06

Sick.

teenagedream13 1

Monday 30 January 2012 3:28

Well, a cat is a pussy.

sativaman420 5

Monday 30 January 2012 3:31

dont worry, theres lots of more pussy out there

Cody24485 0

Monday 30 January 2012 3:32

Maybe your gay?

Jesus_Christ69 0

Monday 30 January 2012 3:38

These snozberries taste like snozberries.

ashleeh0718 0

Monday 30 January 2012 3:43

you should probably keep that little fact to yourself next time, dude.

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Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML

agreeclassic 8 633

vote type 1 75 017

Today, I decided it was a good day to get my first tattoo since turning 18. Today, my parents decided it was a good day to make me homeless, because they are religious nutjobs that still live in the 19th century. Oh, and they’re no longer paying for my tuition. FML

agreeclassic 736

vote type 1 1 306

Today, I found out I am only entitled to £63 government assistance a month. I haven't worked or even left house for a year and a half, as my agoraphobia/anxiety has spiraled out of control. I don't know how I'm going to live. FML

agreeclassic 852

vote type 1 338

Today, I feel like I made the worst choice of my life and I have to pay the consequences, and I seriously feel like shit. I need help. Moving abroad to study at 30 was the worst mistake and I hate my life here. I want to go back but I lost everything back home and I don't have anything here. I'm stuck; I just want to be happy. FML

agreeclassic 510

vote type 1 227

Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML

agreeclassic 30 360

vote type 1 16 604

Today, my girlfriend and I are still arguing about the same subject, which is pretty much one of the only things we disagree on: whether Obi-Wan is hotter than Anakin or not. FML

agreeclassic 308

vote type 1 796