Kids: Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after...

By derped-out sperm - 01/04/2014 21:41 - Ireland

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

agreeclassic 49 113

vote type 1 5 947

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Fire hasard

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 18:23 - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

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By patrickRafael - 29/12/2009 14:21 - Singapore

Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

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By Marjorie - 13/07/2012 17:08 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML

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My little boy

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 00:30

Today, my 12 year-old son came home with two broken arms after finding an awesome place to ride his bike. He found a sweet jump and his handlebars broke. He's currently in slings and waiting for an appointment with a surgeon, the breaks were so bad, the hospital couldn't reset them. FML

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By myfamilyisodd - 15/10/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML

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By Chandler - 16/09/2011 19:26 - United States

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

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Thanks Steve-O

By Anonymous - 30/07/2014 08:21 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML

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By Anonymous - 09/04/2012 22:32 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

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Suspicious minds

By Hugh - 03/04/2021 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to a hospital social worker that my young son is not abused, he is just rowdy and that he knocked himself unconscious and shattered 4 teeth in a bizarre stunt involving a tree, my ironing board, a mop bucket and lots of duct tape. I'm not sure the hospital believes me. FML

agreeclassic 1 040

vote type 1 166

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 20:58 - United States - Durham

Today, I fell down a hill out of my hammock, which broke my phone screen and my sunglasses. My idiot brother launched me out of it, so he could "assert his dominance." He's 11. FML

agreeclassic 18 946

vote type 1 1 806

harrypotter955 19

Wednesday 2 April 2014 2:27

But first, let me take a selfie...

RoyalBeast16 7

Wednesday 2 April 2014 2:27

I bet he was in "extreme pain" afterwards.

Comments

Ham9900 17

Tuesday 8 April 2014 2:24

This is why aliens won't talk with us!

D3NZ 4

Tuesday 8 April 2014 7:14

Why is every one on this app old and has kids?

Potato_Muffin 7

Tuesday 8 April 2014 16:37

First, let me take a selfie! #fallingoutofatree!

juwannaman 11

Tuesday 15 April 2014 5:27

Ohh my god that's hilarious

ZeldaPaulThingy 17

Monday 15 December 2014 0:27

Your name is Derped-Out Sperm... Yeah, I'm sure you're a parent.

fmlstarterkit 13

Tuesday 6 October 2015 19:50

"extreme selfie" would be the selfie of his broken arm.

mylsux 15

Thursday 3 March 2016 17:35

Was the selfie good though?

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Top

Today, I went to my first ever job interview. I thought I was doing well, until the recruiter asked why he should hire me. The only thing I could say was "Because I'm really, really nervous right now?" FML

agreeclassic 39 031

vote type 1 6 870

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he becomes insatiably horny whenever he hears "Jailhouse Rock" by Elvis Presley. It turns out that was the song on the radio when he was losing his virginity, when he was 16, with his sister. He insists it’s not weird because their parents are half-siblings. I can’t even. FML

agreeclassic 2 080

vote type 1 286

Today, my boss gave me a verbal warning. My crime? Calling people "Hon'", "Darlin'", and the like. I work at a Texas diner. FML

agreeclassic 48 070

vote type 1 5 952

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

agreeclassic 45 212

vote type 1 17 893

Today, like every day, I'm an intersex woman. I can't orgasm, have no vagina, and can't have my own kids. Every new partner I have requires an embarrassing explanation and biology lesson because no one knows what intersex means, even though it's quite common. At least I don't get periods? FML

agreeclassic 1 128

vote type 1 333

Today, I learnt my health is so messed up that a private clinic gave me my money back out of sympathy because they couldn't do a procedure. FML

agreeclassic 355

vote type 1 87