Miscellaneous: Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably...

By drake86 - 09/01/2013 16:42 - United Kingdom - Helensburgh

Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably lack the skills to survive a Zombie apocalypse. FML

agreeclassic 13 934

vote type 1 33 071

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2010 08:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

agreeclassic 30 807

vote type 1 7 818

By pottyhostage - 08/11/2010 21:26 - Sweden

Today, I freaked out when I couldn't get my bathroom door open. After ten minutes of panic when thinking about how I'd be stuck there for at least 8 hours until my roommate would get home, and another five mentally going over survival skills, I realized that I had forgotten to unlock the door. FML

agreeclassic 8 891

vote type 1 45 131

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 19:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

agreeclassic 30 580

vote type 1 2 632

By TBTC - 31/08/2012 07:16 - France - Le G?vre

Today, I was out apartment hunting with my boyfriend. We visited a marvelous place that ticked all the boxes on our requirement checklist, but my boyfriend was unenthused. There was just one small detail that I hadn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombies attack. FML

agreeclassic 28 420

vote type 1 5 428

By tinydancer - 10/05/2012 18:10 - United States - Richmond

Today, I went to a party dressed as a zombie. Everyone admired my hilarious "zombie dancing". Those were my regular dance moves. FML

agreeclassic 24 247

vote type 1 5 245

By zombieguyswife - 28/06/2012 23:44 - United States - Branson

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

agreeclassic 25 096

vote type 1 3 990

By fearofzombies - 13/08/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML

agreeclassic 50 327

vote type 1 13 264

Rip it up and start again

By Anonymous - 07/12/2025 09:00

Today, I realised I have no friends circle to call my own, no motivation to conquer the day, and no confidence to put my life back together, all because I failed the test that could get me closer to my dream job. FML

agreeclassic 285

vote type 1 119

By KDM - 05/02/2012 19:39 - Australia

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

agreeclassic 24 974

vote type 1 6 618

By Anonymous - 25/03/2012 17:21 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

agreeclassic 26 353

vote type 1 4 384

TheHarvest 7

Wednesday 9 January 2013 19:07

remember cardio!

SasaCeceGogo 18

Wednesday 9 January 2013 19:10

Your answer: Watch The Walking Dead.

Comments

Emyka 26

Tuesday 24 May 2016 0:26

Diabetic here. Even if i had any usefull skills I'd be done as soon as I ran out of Insulin. Chronic illness is a bitch.

GZilla2010 14

Tuesday 11 October 2016 8:31

Zombies aren't real.

InsanityShard 23

Sunday 1 January 2017 21:19

Never too late to start learning something- even a little of the basics can go a long way.

VDM sur Facebook

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Today, while I was delivering pizza in the torrential downpour, I waited 5 minutes in the pouring rain for an old lady to dig 20 bucks out of her purse. Her total was $19.99. She told me to keep the change and make lots of money. FML

agreeclassic 38 825

vote type 1 3 554

Today, I had to call AAA because not only did I lock my keys in the car, I also locked in my toddlers. FML

agreeclassic 16 283

vote type 1 47 606

Today, I got into trouble for moving my chair around in class, which went on my permanent record, while other people were literally throwing things across the room and being loud but they didn't get in trouble. Tomorrow's my birthday and now my parents won't let me go out, even after I told them what happened. FML

agreeclassic 866

vote type 1 161

Today, I had to drive 300 miles to a town where I thought I'd forgotten my purse the night before. When I got to the hotel I had been staying at, I found out it was actually in the trunk of my car. FML

agreeclassic 11 312

vote type 1 45 796

Today, I had a look at the pictures my mom took during my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Every single one is of my sister. Her lighting the candles, her watching me open presents, and her eating cake. The only pictures of me are in the background. FML

agreeclassic 32 984

vote type 1 1 968

Today, I married my wife a few weeks before deploying to Kosovo as a military peacekeeper. She was a young Christian whose father, a pastor, performed our wedding ceremony. Before I got home, she told me that she and her cousin were lovers and that she used the money I sent her to file for divorce and pay for their honeymoon. FML

agreeclassic 916

vote type 1 120

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