Miscellaneous: Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The...

By paywithpoop - 22/06/2014 15:10 - United States

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

agreeclassic 50 024

vote type 1 3 893

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

By Anonymous - 20/10/2009 10:56 - Australia

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

agreeclassic 48 238

vote type 1 6 135

By Mike - 25/04/2011 21:39

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

agreeclassic 55 764

vote type 1 6 400

Not so smooth criminal

By Ughhhhhh - 14/10/2025 09:00

Today, I got burgled. Not only did he steal my TV and game consoles, but he took a huge diarrhea dump in my underwear drawer and wiped his ass with my tailored suit. The dry cleaner won't accept it because it's a biohazard. FML

agreeclassic 545

vote type 1 61

By WhyTheEff - 20/11/2009 23:50 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML

agreeclassic 35 555

vote type 1 3 105

Some fun was had

By Anonymous - 24/09/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, I got home from a holiday to find out that my flatmate had thrown a party. Everything seemed fine at first, then I noticed that someone had taken a dump in my running shoes that were in my bedroom closet. FML

agreeclassic 505

vote type 1 83

By Oh dear - 05/07/2012 22:15 - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines - Kingstown

Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML

agreeclassic 28 629

vote type 1 2 736

By g_unit - 10/12/2009 05:24 - Canada

Today, at work, I went to fold a pair of pants that was left in a changing room to find out that someone had taken a dump in them. FML

agreeclassic 37 674

vote type 1 2 619

Redesign

By rian - 03/04/2021 21:30

Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML

agreeclassic 1 087

vote type 1 90

By Lindso1 - 06/07/2018 01:30

Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML

agreeclassic 4 237

vote type 1 249

By Woody - 06/10/2018 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML

agreeclassic 2 718

vote type 1 404

SexyMexi21 23

Sunday 22 June 2014 19:43

Ew. man I'm sorry. hopefully they find who it is!

wRIPPERw 23

Sunday 22 June 2014 19:43

Chin up, OP. Those are just things. And flush the toilet...

Comments

Biofire 8

Monday 23 June 2014 3:48

That's DNA they can find him .

bigjon75 9

Monday 23 June 2014 4:07

Just DNA test it!

CaptainMulligan 7

Monday 23 June 2014 4:12

There's DNA in poop. I hope they took it as evidence.

Schobot 10

Monday 23 June 2014 4:28

They can use the DNA as evidence

sehrgutmann 19

Monday 23 June 2014 4:30

Hey they gave you free DNA samples for their arrest!

alwaysasecret 2

Monday 23 June 2014 4:32

Don't flush that's dna

dragonrider1959 18

Monday 23 June 2014 4:37

I guess you could say they were... Inhuman!

slipstreak 10

Monday 23 June 2014 4:52

But wouldn't DNA evidence be the FIRST thing to look for? Burglary is a crime, after all?

BunnyBites 11

Monday 23 June 2014 5:11

You can actually collect DNA from that dump.

vikky538 28

Monday 23 June 2014 5:17

don't worry cops use that to identify thieves... sorry OP..

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I finally got to take the bus to the store on this icy cold day. I got there at 1 pm and found it closed. Their website said they'd open late at 10 am. Then, I missed a bus home and had to walk back in the ice and sludge. I slipped, fell on my ass, and my shoes and socks got soaked in dirty ice water. FML

agreeclassic 525

vote type 1 107

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

agreeclassic 18 617

vote type 1 15 143

Today, it’s been 20 years since my then girlfriend of 2 weeks fell asleep while I was going down on her. She claimed it was because she was so ‘relaxed’ with me. I married her anyway. Now, she’s still very, very ‘relaxed’ with me. FML

agreeclassic 175

vote type 1 500

Today, my parents started fighting at a restaurant. Embarrassed, I went to the restroom to get away and stayed in there for about 15 minutes, knowing how long their fights can last. When I came back, they were gone. They'd ditched me, and left me to walk several miles back home. FML

agreeclassic 45 065

vote type 1 4 697

Today, I woke up with viral pink eye in both eyes. I work at a daycare and half the staff got it. We live in a state where there's mandatory sick time for all employees but people still take their sick kids to daycare. It's been a month of pink eye in my facility and I feel like it's never going to stop. FML

agreeclassic 577

vote type 1 101

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

agreeclassic 92 991

vote type 1 16 376

Similar FMLs

Not so smooth criminal

Some fun was had

Redesign

TOP COMMENTS

Comments