Intimacy: Time consumed

Time consumed

By unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

agreeclassic 30 441

vote type 1 11 708

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Messy girls

By tLee - 19/07/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

agreeclassic 41 553

vote type 1 4 568

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

agreeclassic 31 383

vote type 1 40 500

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

agreeclassic 13 102

vote type 1 40 070

By Tyler - 19/11/2011 08:05 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML

agreeclassic 43 262

vote type 1 34 533

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

agreeclassic 53 446

vote type 1 5 240

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

agreeclassic 2 470

vote type 1 787

By omfgnooo - 09/09/2011 23:22 - United States

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

agreeclassic 17 868

vote type 1 54 920

Ewwwwwww

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

agreeclassic 46 388

vote type 1 4 974

Tasty

By I wish it was gum - 23/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied, "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

agreeclassic 5 072

vote type 1 690

By ydahs - 08/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

agreeclassic 49 783

vote type 1 19 627

pdp_fml 21

Sunday 18 March 2012 9:20

Why not try shaving down there? Girls like it because they don't have to smell your nasty sweat.

H_Brazell09 0

Sunday 18 March 2012 9:22

Maybe this is a sign to start shaving.

Comments

savagee133 13

Monday 19 March 2012 6:44

That's gross but hilarious!!

bigblue07 0

Monday 19 March 2012 7:10

It's your fault. You shouldn't have pubes long enough for gum to get stuck.

gwenmomoxide 5

Monday 19 March 2012 7:19

For a good clean feeling...no matter what... :P

outsidehitter7 9

Monday 19 March 2012 7:40

Why didn't u just cut it off??? Duh!!

sunshinethehuman 9

Monday 19 March 2012 7:42

Ever seen the movie "sex drive"?

picturescrazy 24

Monday 19 March 2012 8:48

Ewwww, I can't believe your girlfriend would go down on you when you had bush going on D: Why wouldn't you just shave it off if gum got stuck though?

Dkngmn 4

Monday 19 March 2012 18:19

Think that's a sign for you to shave your pubes...

eyecon502 13

Monday 19 March 2012 18:19

I think it's a double win...he got a BJ AND learned to shave like a considerate man. ;-)

jorodger 2

Monday 19 March 2012 21:07

Dirty mouth?! Try orbits

whynotbliss 18

Monday 19 March 2012 22:54

It doesn't take an hour a half to trim with a one or two on the old clippers! Shave yo' stuff!

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Top

Today, my parents are on holiday, which means I have the house to myself. Wild parties? Hot girls? Loads of beer? No. Flu. FML

agreeclassic 33 961

vote type 1 6 705

Today, I come home from work to my bedroom to find all my husband’s stuff gone. There was a note in the dresser, with his wedding band, that read, “I hope you can take a hint. Sorry.” Not only was I dumped, and I can’t locate him anywhere, but I now have to cover his part of the mortgage which I can’t afford. FML

agreeclassic 2 017

vote type 1 228

Today, I was walking to my professor's office. I've had an upset stomach all week, and I still felt a little gassy, so I politely decided to pass gass before entering the room. More than just gas came out. FML

agreeclassic 40 648

vote type 1 7 521

Today, I woke up with a carpet burn. From sleeping. Alone. In my bed. FML

agreeclassic 1 575

vote type 1 169

Today, even if I clean the whole house, my husband refuses to wash dishes if I cook, as I “use too many”, because when he cooks he only uses one pot. His “cooking” is dumping all the week's leftovers into a pot and calling it “stir fry.” It’s disgusting and he’s the only one that eats it. FML

agreeclassic 466

vote type 1 97

Today, I forgot to pick up my grandmother at the train station. My mother was livid. My father, moved, told me, “for the first time in my life, I’m proud of you.” FML

agreeclassic 4 703

vote type 1 721