Geek, Embarrassing, Poopoo peepee and Technology: The more you know - FML

The more you know

By Anonymous - 02/06/2025 12:00 - Australia

Today, my smart toilet analyzed my “data” and sent a health alert to my entire family group chat. With charts. FML

agreeclassic 291

vote type 1 426

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
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By Anonymous - 01/12/2025 09:00

Today, I bought a new smart scale that automatically broadcasts your weight to your fitness app. I didn’t realize it also shared updates with my gym group chat. They all got a notification titled, “Progress Report: Attempt #1.” It wasn’t progress. FML

agreeclassic 296

vote type 1 161

Make it stop

By Kate is late - 16/04/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's house and was so excited to try her fancy bathroom with a “smart toilet.” The toilet had a “sensitive” bidet feature, and when I tried to stand up, it somehow thought I was still sitting and started spraying repeatedly. I just froze while standing, as it repeatedly splashed water on my ass. FML

agreeclassic 184

vote type 1 307

By toilet on the clock - 08/06/2016 10:40 - China - Guangzhou

Today, I learned that the three secretaries at work make spreadsheets about who uses the toilets, when and for how long, and then make bets on who will take the longest toilet break, who will use it the most often, etc. Now I constantly look at my watch whenever I use the toilets. FML

agreeclassic 13 789

vote type 1 1 275

Overheard musings

By thanks hun - 07/05/2020 20:00

Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML

agreeclassic 2 019

vote type 1 281

By Embarrassed wife - 21/12/2018 14:00

Today, I let my 5 year old play on my tablet while we were both using one of those family restrooms with two toilets. She took a selfie showing both on us on the toilet and sent it to my husband. FML.

agreeclassic 1 716

vote type 1 1 300

By public pooper - 25/04/2013 00:16 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

agreeclassic 33 409

vote type 1 15 248

By photoman - 14/07/2014 09:31 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 39 796

vote type 1 6 093

By Poop - 02/10/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML

agreeclassic 36 006

vote type 1 3 218

RED ALERT

By Chlo - 11/08/2019 22:00

Today, I went on a first date. We had the same phone, and we'd put them down next to each other on the table. I get a message and we both look. It’s my period tracker telling me to be careful, because the floodgates are opening. FML

agreeclassic 1 714

vote type 1 408

By Anonymous - 08/09/2018 09:00 - United States - Buffalo

Today, while pooping at work, I was scrolling through social media. I dropped my phone in the toilet and the automatic flusher engaged, flushing my phone halfway into the pipes, which then flooded the toilet. I had to call maintenance and explain what happened to retrieve phone. FML

agreeclassic 1 799

vote type 1 2 208

Next

TOP COMMENTS

GoogieWithers 23

Monday 2 June 2025 13:30

Can't you turn that sh!t off?

thinman12345 16

Monday 2 June 2025 20:06

It’s deals with your shit, you you’ve got to deal with its.

Comments

GoogieWithers 23

Monday 2 June 2025 13:30

Can't you turn that sh!t off?

thinman12345 16

Monday 2 June 2025 20:06

It’s deals with your shit, you you’ve got to deal with its.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Saturday 7 June 2025 21:01

YDI for having a smart toilet. Toilets serve one purpose, and if we've gotten to the point where people are too lazy to flush and clean their own damn toilet, we're doomed as a society.

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Today, I'm so broke after paying my bills, that I resorted to eating plain garlic butter from the pizzeria down the street for lunch. The worst part: to get the butter, I stormed in and angrily complained, saying they forgot to give it to me. I never even ordered a pizza. FML

agreeclassic 40 957

vote type 1 9 777

Today, I was jogging with my shirt off, feeling confident and athletic. A car slowed down next to me. I expected a compliment, but instead, a kid leaned out the window and yelled, “Put it back on, Shrek!” FML

agreeclassic 402

vote type 1 155

Today, I had my first encounter with a guy I met online. When we parted, I was hoping for a kiss but instead he says to me, "I've met stupid in my life, but never like you." FML

agreeclassic 4 616

vote type 1 694

Today, I got officially uninvited to a party. This is the third one this month. FML

agreeclassic 33 409

vote type 1 8 337

Today, I discovered that I'm adopted. How? After a great lunch, I asked my uncle how he'd made the salad dressing. He replied, "Haha! It's a secret family recipe, my dear!" I wouldn't have thought twice about it, were it not for my parents' shocked expressions, and the long, awkward silence. FML

agreeclassic 32 279

vote type 1 2 092

Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML

agreeclassic 51 199

vote type 1 25 130