Today, my boyfriend took me to his place to meet his parents. When they saw me, they laughed. FML
Today, my nose had been feeling weirdly uncomfortable all day. After I got home, I blew my nose really hard. I found that a bug had been resting inside my nose the entire time. FML
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML
Today, I slept with my deputy manager. He slept with my insane jealous housemate months ago. I need to find a new job and a new flat. FML
Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML
Today, my mom explained the benefits of douching to me with my boyfriend right there. He began arguing with her about how the vagina is usually self-cleaning. FML
Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML
Maybe they were relieved he brought home a real girl instead of an imaginary one...
Wow, what assholes