Painful and Health: Ten out of ten performance, no notes

Ten out of ten performance, no notes

By Jesska - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

agreeclassic 33 759

vote type 1 7 244

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Use the force

By BlueMacaw - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

agreeclassic 26 453

vote type 1 4 705

Right back!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML

agreeclassic 3 418

vote type 1 938

Smoking is so cool

By Burnt - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

agreeclassic 10 901

vote type 1 61 561

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

agreeclassic 22 455

vote type 1 2 187

Rewind time

By supersmashpika - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Hershey

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

agreeclassic 26 687

vote type 1 10 008

The struggle

By lizi - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML

agreeclassic 4 066

vote type 1 846

Red flag

By Kirby - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as I was walking back to my dorm, I looked down and thought, "I wonder why the ground is wet in just this one spot?" Then I got hit with a water balloon. FML

agreeclassic 30 216

vote type 1 4 518

Zit remedy

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML

agreeclassic 31 215

vote type 1 7 352

Piss poor prank

By peedonme - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML

agreeclassic 32 288

vote type 1 2 955

Who are you?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML

agreeclassic 39 218

vote type 1 3 004

SeduceRecycle 0

Friday 3 September 2010 23:18

 Nooooooo good.

YupImBack 0

Friday 3 September 2010 23:22

shit happens

Comments

530boy 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 2:54

I didn't know obese people can run?

shadyecko 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 10:20

LMFAO OMG YOU SIR ARE ******* HILARIOUS NO -_-

1frostedcupcake 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 3:12

hahaha, kinda sounds like the bio video we watched today :)

bloobelly 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 3:29

THAT wouldve been SO funny to see.LMFAO!!.... but I hope your ok

flamingcookie 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 3:49

ouch!

yourmurderscenex 13

Saturday 4 September 2010 4:11

lmao. dumbass.

fashionista_08 1

Saturday 4 September 2010 5:12

doesn't water make it worse?

luvpink257 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 5:37

FAIL.

NoWittyNames 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 5:47

@51 Irrelevant to the thread, thanks for being a waste :)

alexblue 5

Saturday 4 September 2010 6:07

omg!

samshazam 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 6:15

ouch, OP

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Today, I realized that I hadn't shaved in so long that when the wind blew, the hairs on my legs moved in the breeze. FML

agreeclassic 9 870

vote type 1 49 483

Today, I shot a paintball gun at a bees' nest. The bees flew through my neighbors' windows and, for lack of a better word, slaughtered them. An ambulance was called, and I feel like a total dick. FML

agreeclassic 10 571

vote type 1 62 986

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

agreeclassic 9 340

vote type 1 67 845

Today, I went for a walk. I was repeatedly barked at, and almost attacked, by nearly a dozen dogs. I have cynophobia from being nearly killed by violent untrained dogs on several occasions, so just hearing a dog bark gives me severe heart palpitations. I'm not kidding when I say I almost had a heart attack. FML

agreeclassic 486

vote type 1 175

Today, my friend sent me an instant message, telling me how excited she was that she was accepted to a FIT Summer Program. I told her I was so proud, and that she can finally lose that excess weight. She told me that she meant Fashion Institute of Technology. FML

agreeclassic 17 699

vote type 1 70 970

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

agreeclassic 36 033

vote type 1 4 313

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