Intimacy: Right place, wrong time

Right place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 22/01/2009 16:09 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

agreeclassic 9 216

vote type 1 29 868

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

Happy place

By HansonLUVR - 12/03/2009 00:26 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

agreeclassic 26 277

vote type 1 79 393

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

agreeclassic 188

vote type 1 806

Classic Dave

By Sarahir - 29/04/2020 05:00

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML

agreeclassic 2 229

vote type 1 411

By oneloveliz - 17/09/2017 23:15

Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML

agreeclassic 3 493

vote type 1 1 579

Redhanded

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 06:00 - Philippines - Roxas

Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML

agreeclassic 1 404

vote type 1 464

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

agreeclassic 80 145

vote type 1 6 518

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 14:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

agreeclassic 39 360

vote type 1 4 006

By Diogo Filipe de Almeida - 29/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML

agreeclassic 4 140

vote type 1 2 878

Dude, WTF?

By Chad - 03/06/2023 03:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I walked in on my roommate mid-wank because I didn’t knock before opening the door. Why was he in my room and using my computer? FML

agreeclassic 1 417

vote type 1 173

By szinna - 07/06/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

agreeclassic 58 139

vote type 1 6 808

redbluegreen 40

Monday 1 June 2009 11:19

Spotted dick, obviously.

MCart_fml 0

Wednesday 11 February 2009 1:43

Hahaha cool roommate!

Comments

babygurl91695 2

Sunday 24 July 2011 17:11

HAHAHAHAHA

BloodyMary666 24

Wednesday 31 August 2011 18:05

Go to your room and lock the door!?

Clubkicker_fml 0

Monday 12 September 2011 18:44

Sound like he might want some meat and potatoes. If you get what I mean ;)

doublehuh 2

Saturday 10 December 2011 4:53

why would you not lock the door or something?

4realz226 0

Tuesday 27 December 2011 22:13

U should maybe chose a bathroom with a lock next time.

The_Tool1 13

Sunday 22 January 2012 22:37

Omegle?

The_Tool1 13

Sunday 22 January 2012 22:38

Omegle?

Googolman 29

Wednesday 24 October 2012 22:53

Sausage.

Googolman 29

Wednesday 24 October 2012 22:53

Sausage.

insomniac8400 13

Saturday 29 December 2012 2:19

Come on guys... Obviously he doesn't have a bedroom to do this in. Or does he...

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

agreeclassic 205 959

vote type 1 15 427

Today, I was hiding Easter eggs around the house when my 7-year-old triplets woke up from their nap and saw me. They quickly realized that I am the Easter Bunny, and then they guessed that I am Santa. Now I have 3 crying second graders. FML

agreeclassic 23 214

vote type 1 4 289

Today, I made two cakes. One for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, the other for my family so they wouldn't eat the birthday cake. I came home to find they ate half of each. FML

agreeclassic 49 272

vote type 1 4 288

Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

agreeclassic 66 757

vote type 1 3 985

Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good… you left a nipple." and slowly licked it off. FML

agreeclassic 34 714

vote type 1 3 683

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

agreeclassic 47 313

vote type 1 8 140