Intimacy MY EYES

MY EYES

bleach bleach bleach - 22/12/2013 17:22 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 01/08/2012 09:02 - United States

Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML

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nooneatall - 15/01/2010 03:16 - France

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

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-.- - 13/04/2014 22:16 - United Kingdom - Epsom

Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML

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What's going on?

Damn - 26/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out my dad goes to therapy. Confused, I asked him what was going on. He said, "You" without any hesitation. I don't know if he's joking or not. If he is, I don't find that very funny. If he's not, I don't even know what I've done. FML

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Danger zone

didntevenknow - 13/08/2012 15:06 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

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Nearly there

sally - 25/01/2014 17:42 - United States - Augusta

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

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Niiiiiice!

cameltoeyourface - 26/07/2010 00:42 - United States

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

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Burn the witch!

fanaticalfuckspawn - 25/08/2014 20:14 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

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kaitylait - 19/08/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

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LondonKitsch - 26/06/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

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animalxcrackers 20

Monday 23 December 2013 2:20

well, it's called self-meditation for a reason, i guess.

DocBastard 38

Monday 23 December 2013 2:38

For all you women out there, EVERY guy has tried this at least once. And any guy who denies trying it is lying his ass off.

kumarina 35

Monday 23 December 2013 4:38

I think that every guy would try it

HiNowDie 17

Monday 23 December 2013 4:39

I bet your dad heard you guys one day and was just like "Hmm.."

worldclassrager 39

Monday 23 December 2013 4:42

Either way it's not possible...

Duh_0811 17

Monday 23 December 2013 5:04

haven't you heard the joke, why does a dog lick his balls? answer: "because he can"

jellybeens_fml 16

Monday 23 December 2013 5:14

Thats enough internet for today..

katydid91 31

Monday 23 December 2013 5:48

Always trust Clorox for life's most bleach-able moments.

bobslawnservice 16

Monday 23 December 2013 5:55

The secret is that it is not about flexibility but the size of your member. Or so they say...

trolled11 8

Monday 23 December 2013 6:06

its physically imposible, there is ribs stoping us from that

mxij 13

Monday 23 December 2013 6:37

Auto-fellatio. Who needs women anymore?

davincidasecond 24

Monday 23 December 2013 6:42

Well, it's better than looking for someone other than his wife to do it, I guess. But it's nothing that you should have the displeasure of waking in on. FYL my friend.