Health, Phone calls, Embarrassing and Farts: Mambo Number 5

Mambo Number 5

By Anonymous - 12/07/2022 18:00

Today, having been on hold on the phone for several minutes, I felt the need to release a fart. Just as I started my release, they picked up. They definitely heard. FML

agreeclassic 741

vote type 1 262

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By combovercaiti_ - 25/01/2019 12:00

Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML

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By workerbee - 27/01/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call in my office with the door closed. I let out some loud farts and felt liberated. Forgot my phone was NOT on mute. There were only 3 people on the conference call - including me. FML

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By urrrppp - 26/03/2010 09:44 - Netherlands

Today, I got through to the phone interview stage for a great job. When the phone rang, I answered and suddenly, spontaneously, burped really loudly. The interviewer hung up. FML

agreeclassic 28 853

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Mute

By Gassy Gal - 21/03/2021 05:01

Today, I was feeling gassy at work so I used my mute button. Later on in the day, I realized my mute button was disabled. Everyone heard me fart and it's recorded. FML

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The unexpected

By RikkiTikkiTavi - 12/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML

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Blame the pooch

By anamota89 - 11/05/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

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Queef Richards

By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 14:02

Today, I had two customers who had some questions about their phones. Walking over, my cooch graced us with an audible fart sound that I‘m sure everybody heard. FML

agreeclassic 893

vote type 1 140

By silent one - 12/09/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML

agreeclassic 27 292

vote type 1 3 034

By GHTD - 27/01/2011 11:20 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, whilst on hold to an important client, I said to my co-workers "F*cking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite". I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML

agreeclassic 7 607

vote type 1 41 010

Fartmageddon

By dusty bean - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML

agreeclassic 3 993

vote type 1 690

Ubehage 32

Tuesday 12 July 2022 20:54

Why would you fart into the phone?

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 12 July 2022 21:33

You're lucky my patented Smell-o-phone hasn't gotten the market share it deserves!

Comments

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 12 July 2022 18:11

Blame it on the pets or roommates?

Ubehage 32

Tuesday 12 July 2022 20:55

Or better yet, not be afraid to admit that you are alive and therefor you fart.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 12 July 2022 21:40

Ego fart, ergo sum.

Ubehage 32

Tuesday 12 July 2022 20:54

Why would you fart into the phone?

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 12 July 2022 21:33

You're lucky my patented Smell-o-phone hasn't gotten the market share it deserves!

tiptoppc 19

Wednesday 13 July 2022 21:46

Mute buttons exist btw. Ydi

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Keywords

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Today, I came back home after a year studying abroad. Imagine my surprise when I found out my mom had gotten breast implants while I was away. All through dinner, I kept catching myself staring at them. No wonder my dad was so much happier than when I left. FML

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vote type 1 5 112

Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML

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Today, because my fiancé is criminally incompetent at budgeting, I'm now having to pay the first installment for my own wedding ring. FML

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Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML

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Today, I made the egregious mistake of going on RateMyTeachers. My students think that, while I'm a good teacher, I have constant "wardrobe malfunctions" and spill my "bloody ass tampons all over the place like a bitch". I teach 6th graders. FML

agreeclassic 3 716

vote type 1 528

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

agreeclassic 32 710

vote type 1 4 340

Mambo Number 5

Similar FMLs

Mute

The unexpected

Blame the pooch

Queef Richards

Fartmageddon

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