Intimacy Let me Slytherin - FML

Let me Slytherin

Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

ginny - 10/09/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

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Turn off

no no no - 21/03/2023 02:00

Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML

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SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

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fffmmll - 21/03/2011 16:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

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Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

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Repetition

Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

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Found it

Anonymous - 01/02/2022 20:01

Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML

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dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

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thetalkingvagina - 09/06/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

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yikesss - 23/10/2018 03:00

Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML

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lil_miss_blair 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:01

don't complain, your boyfriend rocks.

SynchronicityII 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:03

After that, did he conjure up an ****** with his "magic wand"?

kkh12 0

Thursday 23 December 2010 23:39

Your boyfriend is awesome.

fake_and_gay 0

Friday 24 December 2010 7:08

Epic Win!

whitest0rm 0

Wednesday 29 December 2010 18:53

lol fail xD

musik_prodigy 0

Friday 31 December 2010 18:02

I'm so sorry! Lmao but come on, you gotta laugh at that!

musik_prodigy 0

Friday 31 December 2010 18:05

I'm so sorry! Lmao but come on, you gotta laugh at that!

Lady_Lakura 0

Saturday 1 January 2011 0:20

Get over yourself, just get over yourself you uptight constipated twit...

MaidenNoMore 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 0:25

you should have just started laughing to get back at him

notalwaysbesta 14

Wednesday 12 January 2011 10:51

I wish a guy would do that to me! You should definitely appreciate his clear awesomeness! In fact you should give him an awesome nick name like Harry Pork-her, or tell him his Bottoms not the only thing that's Long (get it?) heeheehee =) If you don't like it I'll take him!

mandy1395 0

Monday 17 January 2011 4:47

that is so hot

darklingreaper 0

Saturday 22 January 2011 23:57

Omg, win!

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was wearing a cute black dungaree dress with a purple top underneath. I thought I looked pretty good, until my son told me I looked like an evil Minion. FML

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Today, I came home to my boyfriend wearing one of my pads on his hand, because he didn't want to pay to go to the hospital for stitches. FML

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Today, my kids are mad I won’t let them hang out at the “cool” parents house. You know, the house with no rules. I’ve heard way too many horror stories, too many true crime documentaries, plus personal experience, to ever let that happen. I will never EVER trust adults that like to party with kids. FML

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Today, I filed a missing persons report on my boyfriend. He was out fishing and then was supposed to meet me for a romantic weekend getaway. He never showed up and didn't respond to my texts. I found out, courtesy of a voicemail from the sheriff's department, that he'd broken up with me. FML

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Today, I went to see a certified trauma specialist for my PTSD. I saw her for 35 minutes of my hour-long session because she ran late with the patient before me, and then kicked me out early. Her expert treatment plan? "Just don't think about it." I paid $260 for that. FML

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Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML

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