Sexting, Wanker Intimacy Keep your wits about you - FML

Keep your wits about you

Rawr - 30/12/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Lock your doors

Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

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778

anonymous - 06/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

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Play it cool

Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

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Anonymous - 01/06/2013 00:02 - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML

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Late reaction

fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

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Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

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Knock next time please

Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

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Caught red-handed

caught - 09/01/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

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The moment when…

wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

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Handy

Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

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12 010

craigkid 2

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:14

a) lock your door b) why was she stareing

SweetestSin 4

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:10

awkward

skysailing 0

Friday 26 October 2012 21:54

Why was she watching? AWKWARD.

shimmering 9

Tuesday 8 October 2013 3:34

Today, I learned truly why they say, 'always keep one eye opened'

mermaidgirl5413 10

Tuesday 24 June 2014 3:44

Creepy.

lorenz77_fml 5

Wednesday 24 December 2014 19:25

So awkward!

FarFromHome_fml 17

Friday 22 July 2016 10:54

This sounds like you were all sleeping in the same room for some reason. In which case you REALLY deserve it. Wait for privacy. Jeez.

Hahli Moore 13

Thursday 8 June 2017 15:34

ggggff

Hahli Moore 13

Thursday 8 June 2017 15:34

ggggff

sharond23 10

Monday 1 January 2018 0:04

close your friggin door.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I found out I'm allergic to the pills my doctor prescribed for coughing, which I really need because I ripped a muscle in my stomach. Now my whole upper body is covered in a terrible itchy rash. I also found out it will last for at least another week. FML

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Today, I mistook a random stranger in the grocery store for my friend and started complaining about how annoying my coworkers are at the moment. The stranger just nodded, concerned, and slowly backed away. FML

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Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

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Today, I invited my sister to my wedding. She's not coming, because I didn't reply to her email three years ago. The one she sent to my whole family saying that I was a dangerous psychopath. FML

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Today, the weather man announced that today's forecast will include heavy rain and hail in my city. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. However, my house has no roof at the moment. FML

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Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

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