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    : 320



    Topaletofunction - 09/07/2016 18:46

    Today I forgot to put sunscreen on the top of my feet. I was outside for two hours and now have second degree burns. Doctor says I should be able to walk again in about a week. FML
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    jstjackie - 09/07/2016 18:31

    Today, I told my boyfriend I'd pay the bill at Olive Garden if he pounded me real good when we got home. He then proceeded to take out his wallet and pay for dinner because he didn't want to have sex. FML
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    antiques - 09/07/2016 11:47

    Today, my doctor told me the pain and stiffness in my joints is arthritis and at one point he confused my X-ray for a man in his 70's. I'm 22. FML
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    just trying to do me - 09/07/2016 11:04

    Today, I have been so excited to start recruiter school to hopefully be closer to my family in Alabama. I just got orders that I will be recruiting in Phoenix, AZ FML.
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    meltingturtle - 09/07/2016 07:35

    Today, my friend challenged my travel stories and demanded proof that I've been to 27 countries. I brought him my passport, and he insisted it was 'photoshopped' for a solid hour. I need new friends. FML.
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    Eli - 09/07/2016 07:10

    Today, I was dying for a hot shower. The hot water hadn't worked for two days. While it was finally getting fixed, a pipe broke somewhere in our building and the water was cut off for 4 hours. When it finally came back on I jumped in the shower immediately. And then, the shower head broke. FML
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    bri.2097546 - 09/07/2016 04:07

    Today, my mom kicked me out of the house I'm 15. FML
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    #OverNotOverHim - 09/07/2016 04:01

    Today, my parents told me at 22 years old, I cannot date the significantly older man I've been seeing for the past 5 months due to their religious beliefs. Too bad I'll have to fall out of love over the weekend since we work together. FML.
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    barwench - 09/07/2016 03:47

    Today, I got stiffed on a $168.00 bar tab because a man and his 4 family members drank $150.00 in liquor. He didn't realize they had ordered so much in the 5 hours they were drinking and left me nothing. FML l
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    ShyGrl90 - 09/07/2016 03:33

    Today, I ended up going to work two or so hours early, so I would be there and ready to start. Turns out that I got there on time because my start time was changed without my boss telling me. FML.
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    ViviChenny - 09/07/2016 03:22

    Today, I was woken up at 6 in the morning to quickly come home to clean up puke, because no one wanted to do it. FML
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    bloobalooby - 09/07/2016 03:18

    Today, after months of begging my dad to fix my sister's car, my beat up '98 Kia died on me. In the middle of the freeway. FML
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    RoryWinchester - 09/07/2016 03:18

    Today, My little sister has been washing the dishes so she could go see her boyfriend... They just broke up so now she sees no reason in doing them anymore. This left me to wash all of them that had piled up over the last couple days by myself, in the summer heat, while cooking dinner. FML.
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    Pans are not phones - 09/07/2016 03:07

    Today, I tried to grab my phone. I grabbed the flaming hot pan on the counter instead. FML
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    Anonymous - 09/07/2016 03:02

    Today, all of my managers were in a conference with a new employee who put in his 2 week notice after only working for 3 weeks. Maybe getting feedback on why he was leaving...wrong, turns out they gave him a raise. Now he makes more than I do and I've been there for 6 years and am way more qualified
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    Anonymous - 09/07/2016 03:00

    Today, I forgot to take my pain medication. When I got to work I got some bad news, and immediately following that bad news, my pain decided to quadruple and brought me to tears. Now, I look like a little bitch. FML
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    Anonymous - 09/07/2016 02:56

    Today, after a week of my dog not feeling well, my father, (who is a medic in the army) decided to put an I.V. bag in him. After showing no signs of recovery, my usually optimistic stepmother said that if our dog isnt better soon, the chances of him dying are very high. FML
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    jessal - 09/07/2016 02:55

    Today, my mother-in-law threatened to sue me and take my kids if I don't apologize to her. I have no idea what I did to her this time. FML
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    decco6226 - 09/07/2016 02:52

    Today, after having a diabetic seizure, my mother mixed up my glucagon for insulin. I almost died. FML.
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    anonymous - 09/07/2016 02:42

    Today, for the third time this week, overtime has been forced on me because my boss is making me do half of my coworker's job in addition to my own. FML
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    droppingoutiguess - 09/07/2016 02:39

    My mom's empty nest syndrome has gotten so bad that she called me crying and told me to drop out of school so I could go back home to live with her. I am a senior graduating with a degree in mechanical engineering.
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    Anonymous - 09/07/2016 02:39

    Today, I stopped at my local gas station for a fill-up, and had to tell the attendant there was a situation that needed attention out between the pumps. The situation was in fact a dead baby chicken. FML.
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    stinaann24 - 09/07/2016 02:28

    Today, I was finally told I would not be getting the weeks paid vacation I've been waiting for since I didn't meet the 38 hour average a week requirement. That would be fine if I was told it was 38 and not 35. As well as it being stated 35 in our handbook. They should send us the updated book. FML
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    luvlivs - 09/07/2016 02:25

    Today, I was evicted from my house because the payment was misplaced by my rental company and while on my to visit my sister in law a drunk driver smashed into my car, now I don't have a place to live my car is totaled and both my neck and back are broken as well. FML
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    kristergirl - 09/07/2016 02:17

    Today,I drank a whole cup of salt water to make me throw up. I am literally pissing out my asshole FML
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    anon - 09/07/2016 02:13

    My mom is trying to make me go to therapy for my recent attitude change. She still hasn't figured out it's because my hate for her has grown. FML
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    Alaia - 09/07/2016 02:09

    Today, after finally gaining some clarity after a 2 month manic state/discovering I have bi-polar; the love of my life, my fiance, left me. Fml.
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    Anonymous - 09/07/2016 02:07

    Today, my cousin learned about Pokémon Go. He has Aspergers and ADHD and has previously been obsessed with pokémon. If he downloads the app, not only will I hear endless rambling about pokémon again, but I fear he'll end up in a morgue or prison within a month. FML
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    DumbbutSmart - 09/07/2016 01:07

    Today I lost most of my friends because i decided to quit drinking and partying. FML.
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    forgottenmeds - 09/07/2016 01:07

    Today, I'm 16 hours away from home for my nephews wedding. While the wedding is going on I'm stuck in the hotel room because of dizziness. I have medication for this but it's 16 hours away at home. FML
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    FMyLife FMyLife
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    Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
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    Today, an old man, while I was working, asked me to spell average-length words. Confused, I refused. Turns out I was apparently taking too long counting the large amount of small change he'd given to me, and he assumed I couldn't count or spell. I study law, and I've learned basic calculus. Welcome to retail. FML
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    Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML
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    Today, my manager asked me for the password to my Internet so she could Skype family since she can't pay her bill. This is the same woman who just a week ago tried to evict me because my rent was an hour late. Trying to be the bigger person, I gave her the password. She changed my password. FML
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    Today, my dad happened to mention he proposed to his girlfriend, who I had no idea he was dating. Turns out it's one of my old high school teachers, specifically the bitch who hated me as much as I hated her. My dad is so oblivious, he has no idea WWIII is about to start in our living room. FML
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    Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML
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